The Harbinger's Daughter
by RNSE
Summary: Being the Harbinger's daughter was no easy task. Especially for Elsa. Witnessing the members become a werewolf, being denied answers to questions she had. Crushing on a fellow Nord companion. She finally escaped to Solsthiem when she hit the age of eighteen. After seven years of silence she finally returns home without notice. But her return was not quite what she expected.
1. Chapter 1

"Are you aware that staring at the gyro is not going to give you anymore knowledge on the artifact?"

I glowered at the irritated Neloth. His folded arms along with the tapping of his right foot drove me insane. His pompous attitude was even worse.

"Shut it Neloth." I hissed, fiddling with the other Dwemer items on the wooden table. "Not all of our minds are the same as yours."

"Maybe because you are just a Nord."

Shaking my head, I decided to ignore his racist comment. I decided to travel to Solstheim when I turned eighteen, hoping to learn more about the dwarves. Their technology was astounding. And I intended on unraveling their secrets.

My father was the Harbinger of the Companions back in Skyrim in a town called Whiterun. He was rather strict so when he told me I was allowed to leave - it shocked everyone.

Granted, it took a fight for him not to send one of the whelps with me. I wanted to do this alone. I needed to grow. Grow outside of that environment.

My father made the Companions honorable, but it didn't stop my annoyance each night when I couldn't sleep due to the group throwing drunken punches at each other.

Part of the reason I think he allowed me to leave, was because he knew I had feelings for a certain member. One he did not approve of his daughter getting involved with.

_Vilkas_. One of the strongest warriors in Jorrvaskr.

He never has shown any interest in me; probably because I was a child. But I still wonder if something would have happened with us after I became of age.

Granted, him and his twin brother normally picked on me. Probably because I'm Kodlak Whitemane's daughter. The one whom they assume knows nothing of their secret circle. Just the naïve little girl who ran around with her head in the clouds.

Another reason I wanted to leave.

Coming to Solstheim was one of the best decisions I have ever made. I will never regret it. I've learned all about the Dunmer's culture - of their struggle.

I stayed in Raven Rock for a couple of months - hoping to help rebuild. But the only thing I managed to do was re-open the mine. After that, I decided to see what else was out there.

After traveling for a year - I ended up at Tel Mithryn. Which led to meeting Neloth. He agreed to help me with my research if I did a few tedious favors for him.

"Elsa," Neloth slowly put a staff he was working on in my face, "What do you think of this?"

"It looks like all the other staffs." I told him in a bored tone. "What does this one do?"

"Turns things into chickens." He shrugged. "I think I'm running out of ideas."

A small laugh escaped my lips. Ever since the Miraak incident ended, he had created staffs that did absurd things. I think he almost missed the horror that monster created on Solstheim.

"Master Neloth!" His apprentice Talvas called out from below. "A courier just dropped a letter off for Elsa!"

Neloth shook his head as he shuffled around the table. "Well come up you fool."

After Talvas floated up, he hastened his way over to me. His eyes appeared worried. I raised an eyebrow as I placed the Dwemer strut down.

"Why do you look like that?" I questioned, staring at him nervously.

He stared at me morosely. "I kind of...opened it..."

"Opened my letter?"

"Yes."

"Why...?"

"I was curious."

The scowl never left my face. "Talvas, my letter is none of your business." The words were a little distorted - my teeth were gritted together. "Now give it to me."

With shaky hands, he placed it on the table. Neloth literally turned the Dark Elf into a frightened rabbit.

And I as of yet, figured out how Neloth is such a frightening person.

Obnoxious, yes.

"Thank you Talvas." My voice was rid of anger at this point, causing him to slightly calm himself.

I slowly slid the letter closer to me as I adjusted a stray hair on my head. My auburn hair pulled back as normal, but it got rather annoying when some of it decided to fall out of place.

Solstheim was way to dry and hot to ever allow my long hair down. I was always sweating profusely.

With a sigh, I opened the letter.

'_Elsa, _

_Kodlak is not doing so well these days. I thought I should let you know in case you would want to come back to spend time with him. _

_It would be nice to see you again. I'm sure your father would be grateful if you took time out of your busy schedule to sail back to Skyrim. _

_-Aela' _

"What a friendly letter." I mumbled under my breath as I folded the note.

"What did it say?" Neloth's voice came from behind me, causing me to jump into the air.

"H-how long have you been behind me?" I breathed, placing a hand over my chest. "You scared the shit out of me!"

I could tell he was fighting back a snicker. "Just a little while." A smirk tugged at the ends of his lips. "So are you going back to Skyrim?"

"You Dunmer are so nosy." I exhaled sharply, slumping my shoulders. "And yes. I think I am."

"Are you coming back?"

I shrugged.

"Well," he motioned over to my left side, "if you ever decide to come back, you have a place...here."

"Thank you Neloth." I said, not being able to hide my surprised voice. "That's very kind of you."

"Eh, I've grown kind of used to your smart mouth being around. Just don't get all emotional on me."

I rolled my eyes. "Trust me, I won't."

* * *

><p>Snow pelted my face as Windhelm came into view. I snuggled deeper into my cloak. Even being a Nord the cold was not my friend. Especially after being in the heat for so long. Maybe my body will become attuned to it with time, but as of now - I can't get my teeth to stop chattering.<p>

I placed a hand on my horse. "We're home Bubba." His name came from me consuming too much mead.

"How does it feel to be back?" A sailor inquired as he came up beside me. "Haven't you been away for a while?"

I nodded as the wind continued to blow my hair into my face. My shivering body made it difficult to speak.

"I'm sure you are aware that Imperials won the war." He notified me with a hint of relief in his tone. "Ulfric Stormcloak now rests in the Hall of the Dead."

My jaw slightly dropped. "Wow, I have missed a bit."

"If you have time you should stop into town to meet the new Jarl." He suggested, rubbing his nose. "He's incredible." His voice became higher as he spoke.

My eyes began to blink several times in a row as the realization came that he had more than admiration for the Jarl.

"Yeah, I'll see." I studied his face for a long moment, speculating.

The conversation came to a halt as we approached the decks. Relief washed over me as the ship came to a stop.

"Finally." I whispered, grabbing on to Bubba's reins. I did not tell the Companion's of my return. After Aela's letter I figured I would just surprise the lot.

I escorted Bubba to the stables. Wondering if I should rest or just head straight home.

My hands no longer had feeling, and my sudden urge to get out of this cold grew.

"Decision made." I told myself, climbing on top of Bubba.

He didn't seem to want to move, no matter how many light kicks I gave him.

Stubborn horse.

"Are you trying to make me croak from hyperthermia?" I questioned him bitterly.

He just looked down at his feet.

Releasing a small sigh, I dug into my satchel. After giving him three carrots he decided he could walk.

This trip is going to be very vexatious...

* * *

><p>Sudden anxiety washed over me as I approached the stables. My heart began to pound as I realized I'd be stepping through the Whiterun gates in just a short moment.<p>

"Well look who it is." Skulvar Sable-Hilt the owner of the stables greeted. "If it isn't the Harbinger's daughter."

"Hi." I said with a weary voice. "How have you been?"

He began petting Bubba when he got close enough. "Been good. Business has been running more smoothly since the war ended."

"I bet."

"Where have you been?" He then took a big whiff of Bubba and I. "You smell worse than those damn miners."

"Haven't stop since I've reached Skyrim Skulvar." I frowned, suddenly becoming self-conscious.

"Well I wouldn't go back home looking like that."

I leaned my head back in annoyance. "Then can I clean up in your house?"

"Of course. Anything for Kodlak Whitemane's gal." He smiled sardonically. "You will be doing all of us a favor."

I glowered as I hopped off my horse.

After grabbing my bag, I headed inside the house. Suddenly glad he mentioned my hygiene. At least now I won't see Vilkas for the first time looking like a disaster.

I wonder how he'll react when I step through those doors again...

Will he be happy? Angry? Annoyed? Did he want me to stay gone? Was life better for them without them worrying about me possibly being around the corner?

I shook my head, exhaling sharply. I shouldn't care what he thinks. I shouldn't care how he will react. I'm here to see my father. Not to start up my fantasies about walking down the aisle at the Temple of Mara.

I slipped on a pair of black leather trousers that I cut into capris. Realizing I had clothes in my bag that I haven't worn in years due to the weather in Solstheim.

Normally I just wore the robes Neloth gave me. I fitted them to my body as well making them wearable in the heat. I found no reason to wear my good clothes.

Now I have all the reason in the world.

With a small painful breath I finished tying my forest green corset. It was sort of nice being in my old wardrobe.

After I slipped on my black shoes - I began fiddling with my hair.

Singing, I began pinning it half back. Leaving some hair in my face.

When I realized there was no more use in stalling my return - I exited the house. Skulvar gave me a look of approval as I trudged past him. The road to the gate suddenly seemed shorter than it used to.

Maybe because with each step I took, I grew more solictious.

When the gates came into view - it took about a second for a guard to approach me.

"Halt!" He hollered, holding out his hand. But then suddenly froze. Even through his helmet I could tell he was examining me closely.

"E-Elsa?" He stammered in meer shock. "Is that you?"

"Yes."

"Open the gate! Kodlak Whitemane's daughter has returned!"

I rolled my eyes. So much for remaining inconspicuous.

"Thank you." I muttered to the guards, as I entered through the gate.

As I anticipated the town was just as I had left it. Open, beautiful, and sunny.

The familiar citizens turned their heads with bug eyes when I walked past. I thought a few were going to break their neck. But when your father is one of the most respected men in Skyrim - you anticipate this sort of thing.

After going through the market, I slowed my pace down when I reached the stairs. My stomach began turning into knots.

This wasn't a dream. I was actually home.

Staring down at my shoes, I began making my way up to Jorrvaskr. The cheering from inside could be heard from where I stood.

Seems like things haven't changed to much.

I wrenched open the door slowly, causing everyone to suddenly become quiet.

"Who's there?" I heard a familiar voice call.

Skjor hasn't changed much.

"It's just me you morons." I answered, revealing myself.

Everyone stood there in shock.

"Elsa?" Skjor suddenly had a smile on his face. "You're back!"

"No, I'm not. Maybe you should lay off the Skooma." I joked through a humorless laugh.

Suddenly everyone circled around me as soon as I reached the end of the steps. My eyes scanned the room, but no sign of Vilkas, his brother nor my father.

"Where have you been?" Aela questioned.

I shrugged. "Solsthiem."

They cocked their heads to the side.

"Why?"

"Because I wanted to go there?"

"Don't a bunch of dark elves live there?"

The Dunmer who seemed to be a new recruit glowered. "You don't have to say that like it's a bad thing." He suddenly focused his attention on me, "You must be our Harbinger's daughter. I'm Athis." He held out his hand in a friendly manner.

I shook his hand. "I'm Elsa."

"We are all fully aware. Kodlak never stops talking about you." He chuckled.

"Speaking of which..."

Aela pointed towards the stairs that led to the living quarters. "The rest of the circle is downstairs."

I pursued my lips. "Alright then. I'll see you guys in a bit."

After making my way through the curious group I entered the living quarters.

Vilkas's voice echoed through the hallway. I could tell he was in my father's quarters.

With a sigh I made my way down. Here goes nothing.

When I could see they weren't paying attention, I leaned up against the open door, and began knocking on the hinge.

They glanced up then back down, then back up again. Shock washed over their face.

"E-Elsa?" My father stammered, his voice even more weak than when I left.

"Hey stranger." I smiled.

He immediately stood up, quickly embracing me into a hug.

I glanced over at Vilkas to find his mouth slightly hung open. Apparently the shock had not faded.

"My, my!" My father beamed. "How you have grown!"

"It's been a few years." I embraced him into another hug. "I've missed you father."

"Oh dear, I've missed you too."

I tried to stop the single tear that wanted to fall from my eyes.

"Well, isn't that cute?" Farkas's voice came from behind me. "Welcome back Elsa."

"Thanks Farkas." I said as I pulled away from my father.

I pulled my eyebrows together as Vilkas continued to remain in the state he was. Approaching him did not even make him stir. I knelt in front of him as I began wailing my hands in front of his blank face.

"Anybody home?" I questioned.

Finally he blinked.

"W-wow, none of us was expecting your return." Vilkas breathed. "You look-"

"She looks beautiful." My father interjected. "She always has."

"Thank you father."

As I stood up, Farkas clapped a hand on my shoulder. "Have you lost your ability to wield a blade?"

I rolled my eyes. "No. I have not."

The brothers barked out a laugh.

"Do you even know what monsters are in Solstheim?" I questioned them, a bit annoyed. "I wouldn't be standing here now if I had no idea of how to defend myself."

Vilkas shrugged. "We'll see."

"Vilkas, my daughter had just return from being gone a very long time." My father chimed in, taking a seat at his table. "How about we not force her into a training session?"

A smug grin formed on my face as I folded my arms to my chest. "Yeah, my journey was brutal. Leave me be."

"Tomorrow then." Vilkas slyly suggested, but there seemed to be more brewing in that mind of his. "I'd like to show you a few things."

I took in a deep breath. "Fine."

"This should be good." Farkas smirked.

Vilkas scowled at his brother, "And you aren't coming."

That caused the poor guy to frown.

"Sorry Farkas." I shrugged, leaning up against the wall.

My father seemed as if he were going to object, but then realized he had no power over this matter anymore.

"Are you hungry Elsa?" He decided to change the subject.

I nodded vigorously. "Yes, Bubba ate all my food."

"Bubba?" Vilkas cocked an eyebrow.

"Yes, Bubba." I snapped back bitterly. "Got a problem?"

"Why would you-"

"I drank too much mead."

"How did he-"

"He wouldn't move unless I kept feeding him. He's a rather fat horse." I sheepishly answered.

The smile that I've always loved began to form on his face.

Suddenly I couldn't wait till dawn to spend alone time with him.

"Why don't we have some father daughter time at the Bannered Mare?" My father suggested.

I nodded. "That would be great."

As we exited the room - I turned back around to take one last look at Vilkas.

Despite my feelings coming back - I had to act mature. I had to be realistic about this. He probably had someone. He could even already be married.

But that doesn't mean I couldn't mess with him right?

"Like the new hair." I winked.


	2. Chapter 2

_Branded like an animal_  
><em>I can still feel them burning my mind<em>  
><em>I do believe that you made your message clear<em>  
><em>I think I am losing my mind<em>  
><em>Deprivating, isolating all that I feel<em>  
><em>Leaving me with images I know are not real<em>  
><em>Are those words of condemnation that I hear<em>  
><em>I think I am losing my mind<em>  
><em>I think I am losing my<em>

_Come inside now, I implore_  
><em>Do you think you can restore<em>  
><em>The crucial pieces missing from my brain<em>  
><em>What seems to be the matter dear<em>  
><em>Why do you cry and shake with fear<em>  
><em>I've only had the best dub me insane.<em>

-'Perfect Insanity' Disturbed

* * *

><p>There are many things of which I was unaware in my life. One example was whose bed I was in. Who was the man next to me? Holding me... Male affection was not something I was used to.<p>

I can't even remember another male whom has touched me other than my father who hugged me good-bye and hello.

"You alright love?" The husky man's voice murmured. "You seem tense."

I just blinked in confusion, unable to answer.

Everything in the room was a complete blur, including him. The air smelt familiar. Much too familiar.

"Dear," his hand suddenly cupped my face, "are you alright?"

Suddenly fear rushed over me as I wiped my hand over the wooden end table, splinters prickling my hand as I searched for a dagger.

He continued to cup my face, staring at me with intense eyes. I wish I could make out his face. I wish I knew where I was.

Who was this man?

I shot up from the bed. "Get away from me."

"Sweetheart," he slid to the end of the bed to get closer to me, "I'm not going to hurt you."

"J-just get away from me!" I wailed, backing against the wall.

He stood up slowly. Cautiously making his way over to me.

I could feel the burn from his gaze.

"I'm your fiancé Elsa." He notified me warily. "What's wrong with you?"

With a shuddering breath, I kept trying to rack my brain for what was happening.

Clapping both hands on my face, shielding my blurry vision I vigorously shook my head. "No!"

I dropped to my knees, feeling around for anything I could use for defense. Feeling the rough end of a dagger I scooped it up in my hand.

"W-what are you doing?" He stammered in fear, taking a step back.

I jolted forward, stabbing him in the leg. "I don't know you!"

Suddenly a brush of green tentacles shot from his body, causing a piercing scream to escape my lips.

My body began shaking, but not from fear. It felt forced. Someone's arms.

"Elsa!" I heard a faint voice shout. "Wake up!"

The green tentacles continued to wrap around my body.

"I-I-"

"Elsa! My dear! Wake up!"

My eyes shot wide open as they met with my father's uneasy gaze.

"F-father?" I muttered through chattering teeth, feeling sweat drip down my cheeks. "What-"

"You had a bad dream my daughter." He told me, wiping the strips of sweat from my face. "You are alright."

With a deep breath, I shot up from the bed. "I- I need to get out."

"It's the middle of the night."

"I don't care." I told him gruffly, trudging around my room in search for clothes. "I need fresh air."

Realizing he had no power over me anymore, he took a seat on my bed. "Are you coming back this time?"

I nodded. "Of course father."

Relief seemed to wash over him as he stood up. He continued to stare at me with his curious eyes. I knew he doubted what I was saying. But I wasn't planning leaving him in the condition he was in.

"Be careful." He rubbed his beard lightly, before taking his leave.

Rubbing a hand through my damp hair I pulled out a pair of black trousers out of the dresser. Slipping off my night-gown, I slid them on.

My mind was racing in a million different directions. I wasn't even sure if I was in reality at this moment in time. That dream felt so real. It wasn't a dream - it was a nightmare.

What was wrong with me? Nightmares never bothered me this much before.

I shook my head roughly. Maybe a walk, or a short exploration of Skyrim would clear my head.

A loud groan escaped my lips as I tied the white corset as tight as it would go. After I slid on my black boots I slid on a leather jacket that was colored black. Wasn't sure how I got it, it look like a piece of armor.

One thing I was grateful for, was the addition to Jorrvaskr my father added it on years ago when I entered my teen years. He knew I was becoming much to old to share his bedroom any longer.

I headed towards the wardrobe with a back panel that led to a room with a bunch of different weapons. Mostly forged at the Skyforge.

"Where is it?" I asked myself, hoping I wouldn't answer it.

When the ebony battle-axe came into a view, a small smile tugged at the ends of my lips.

However, my love for two-handed weapons was unknown to me. It just suddenly came over me. My skill in using one, was even unknown to me. I couldn't remember when I began training myself.

I used to resemble a pole. No muscle tone, no figure. Now I was toned, had strength, could hold my own. And I can't even recall how I became this way. I actually looked like a Nord now. Not some limp Imperial.

I strapped it to my back before attaching my satchel with necessities to my waist.

"Since when do you fancy, what did you call them?" A rough voice came from the stairs, "A clunky heavy piece of junk?"

"Shut it Vilkas." I hissed, shoving past him to make my way out of the hidden room.

His loud echoing footsteps followed me. Closely.

"Can you even use one?" He continued to hassle me, and the amusement was clear in his tone.

Despite part of me enjoying the attention from him - the rest of me just wanted to be left be.

With a small sigh I whirled around, planting both feet firmly on the floor. "If you are going to continue to pester me, at least give me some mead, or anything with alcohol in it."

"Why?"

"I need something to help tune you out." I remarked bitterly, attempting to untangle my knotted hair.

"Aye," He said, beginning to realize there was something more wrong than he noticed before, "There's some in my room. Follow me."

It was then as he took the lead, that I noticed he was shirtless.

My head cocked to the side as my eyes hovered every part of his bare skin showing. His lean muscle tones. When I felt something drip down the right side of my lip - I realized I was actually drooling.

Quickly collecting myself, I took in a deep breath as we entered his room.

"Here," he said passing over the bottle.

"That's it?"

Rolling his eyes, he stepped aside to reveal the table full of mead.

"Thanks." I grinned, taking a huge swig out of the bottle.

"When did you become a drinker?"

I shrugged. "I wish I knew."

He look at me with skeptically. As he adjusted his black trousers he began scrounging around his room as if he were looking for something.

Ignoring my curiosity I chugged down the rest of the bottle. Wanting to stick as many as I could fit in my satchel. I still felt suffocated in this place.

I dropped a small coin purse on his table to pay him for the mead. I didn't want to hear about this later from the others.

I could just hear them now.

You took all of Vilkas's mead, don't you think you owe him a special favor?

Plan on getting the old wolf drunk so you can take advantage?

Releasing a whirlwind breath I glanced up at the ceiling then back down to Vilkas. "Well, thanks for the mead. I will be off now."

"Wait." He demanded as he slipped on a black sleeveless shirt. "Where do you think your going without a shield sibling?"

"Out?"

"No." He deadpanned in a dark voice. "I'm not allowing you to travel by yourself. Vampires have been on the loose."

I began waving my arms in the air. "Oh no! Vampires! Whatever shall I do if I come across an ugly distorted figure?"

"You say that now girl, but they are stronger than you think." He said, folding his arms. "It's either I go with you, or I go to Skjor."

He did not just go there.

Skjor was overbearing, since I was Kodlak's daughter he took it upon himself to make sure I didn't even get a bruise on my knee. It wasn't even though he actually cared for me - he just wanted in my father's good graces.

He actually could barely stand me.

With good reason of course. I'd trash his room, snooping when I was a child. I got bored a lot of the time. And somehow - pissing him off was one of my greatest pleasures.

"Whatever Vilkas," I muttered through gritted teeth, "do what you want. I don't care."

With that I turned on my heels, exiting the room. Making sure I had no more distractions from the others. I just stormed out of Jorrvaskr.

* * *

><p>How could I forget a torch? Why do I always forget a torch?<p>

The moon barely lit the forest, I had no idea if I was going in circles or actually towards an unknown destination. All I knew was I wanted to get somewhere.

Vilkas had followed me - remaining completely and utterly silent.

It was slightly nerve wrenching to have such a gargantuan warrior following my every move. Despite how many times I wanted to turn my head to check him out I fought my desires.

He was still Vilkas and I was still Elsa.

He still viewed me as the little girl he knew.

"Well, well," A deep voice came from the shadows of the forest. "What do we have here?"

Suddenly four men came from the shadows. All wearing fur armor. Each un-sheathing their weapons.

"You look like you got some coin on you." The Nord bandit on the far left said. "How about you hand it over?"

My itch for a fight grew. I could hear Vilkas already bring out his Skyforge sword. I wasn't the only one.

"Is your male parts really that small you want to pick a fight with a girl?" I snorted loudly.

"N-no," He muttered, suddenly bewildered at my comment.

The Orc in the center released a raucous laugh. "I could show you how manly we are."

I grinded my teeth together, pulling out my battle-axe. "Bitch. I don't need some disease you got from screwing a skeever."

All four bolted for me immediately. Vilkas was already in front, fighting the Orc.

"I'll cover my blade with your blood!" He shouted.

The Nord released a grunt as he attempted to attack me. I blocked with my axe, bending backwards. I did not need a hair cut tonight.

"Ha!" He shouted, "Nicely done."

"You haven't seen anything yet." I gave him an evil smirk as I began slashing like a crazed woman.

Blood began squirting from different parts of his body as I began hacking him. After he fell to the ground like a limp doll - I whirled with my axe to cut the Khajiit that was coming behind me.

"Ah!" He screamed in agony.

The muscles in my arms ached as I repeated the same thing I did to the Nord. I loved every minute of it. Loved the pain, loved the pain I was inflicting.

When all four were dead - Vilkas gazed at me. His silver eyes wide with astonishment.

"Where did you learn to fight like that?" He gasped. "How-"

"I don't know Vilkas." I told him truthfully. "I wish I knew."

His eyebrows furrowed. "How could you possibly not know?"

"I must have trained at some point." I scratched my forehead with my index finger. "I can't tell you Vilkas."

I could tell he thought I was lying.

"Well," he rubbed his short facial hair, "I guess we can keep moving."

"Any place you want to see?" I questioned, unknowing of where we were moving to. "I've just been wandering."

He barked out a laugh. "I've noticed. We could always go to Riften."

"Why Riften?"

"So we can get hitched of course." He winked sardonically. "Isn't that what you have always wanted?"

I glowered.

"Come on," he sauntered over to me with a smirk, "you know you've had a crush on me since you were a wee little whelp."

After my continuous scowling, he nudged my arm with his elbow. "I'm just messing with you."

I released a loud breath, plopping down on the ground. His gaze stayed on me as I leaned back against a tree.

"No comeback?" He questioned, his dark brows furrowing.

"Not in the mood."

"What's wrong kid?" He inquired, dropping to the ground in front of me. I was shocked a mini earthquake didn't happen from how hard his large built body dropped.

I ran a hand through my hair. "I don't know."

"You never caught me up on your time in Solstheim." He quickly changed the subject, knowing it was to touchy of a subject to discuss. "I'd like to know what it was like."

"Oh yeah," I began recalling him wanting to leave Skyrim, "You wanted to visit me there right?"

He nodded. "I'm bored with fighting the same creatures day after day."

"Honestly, I'm not sure how you would have liked the island." I told him, leaning my head back. "It's ashy, hot, and covered in Dunmer."

"I'm not racist Elsa."

I shrugged my shoulders. "I wasn't sure."

"What have you been doing all these years?" His eyes were growing more on edge as he spoke. "I mean, how could you keep yourself occupied for so long? How could you be away from your family?"

I suddenly couldn't recall much. Just my time spent with Neloth. What I learned about the Dwemer. My memories of Raven Rock were beginning to fade, yet stay with me somehow.

I couldn't remember anything about Raven Rock after my trip to the mine.

Vilkas released a groan, clearly becoming impatient. I knew I had to answer. I just didn't know what words to put together.

"I studied the Dwemer." I told him truthfully. "Learned a lot about them."

"Did you buy a house?"

I shook my head. "No, I stayed with a master Dunmer wizard name Neloth. He took me in." I let out a small laugh. "He found me 'intriguing'."

"You were lovers?"

"Aw, hell no." I waved my arms in front of me. "Nothing like that. He just liked the fact I was so interested in learning. I also had to help him with a few things for him to allow me to stay."

"Sounds like a winner." Vilkas snorted. "What did you learn about the Dwemer? I've always been curious."

"They weren't dwarves at all. They were tall elves." I said, picking at a loose thread on my boots. "But that is basically known through Tamriel. Still their metal is unknown to us. How they made it so stable, so strong."

I then began to ravel in the facts I learned. Talking about their technology, their history, their wars with other races. Vilkas didn't seem to become bored with my words. He seemed to keep wanting more. Which made my heart race.

He had never been interested in what I had to say.

"Fascinating," he mused, pursuing his soft pink lips. "I never would have thought..."

I nodded, biting my lip. Attempting to keep my mind from wandering where it wanted to go.

My bones began to ache at slightly regretting leaving when I became of age. Maybe Vilkas would have fallen for me. Maybe not. But I couldn't dwell on that fact now.

We continued to stare at each other for a prolonged moment.

A loud ear banging noise caused us to snap out of whatever trance we were in.

"What in blood-"

Vilkas cut me off, "Dragon!"

My eyes grew wide.

"No, no, no!" I yelped, immediately jumping up from the ground. "I am not the Dragonborn! I am not fighting it!"

"Elsa!" Vilkas grabbed my arm, "If we don't do something, it could slaughter innocent people."

"It will fry us!" I screamed in sheer panic. "Like chickens!"

He smacked his forehead. "And here I thought you were a brave warrior."

"HA!" I barked.

"Do you have objections to my comment?"

I just grinned at him. "Yup."

"Then fight this dragon with me."

"Nope." I popped my lips on the P.

"You are a coward."

"No, I'm smart."

"Coward." He deadpanned as he unsheathed his sword.

I waved him. "Have fun fighting that dragon. I'll just be waiting right here."

His body didn't move. "Are you serious right now?"

Was I really eager to impress him? Because suddenly I felt guilt wash over me, or was it guilt? It was a shooting pain in my stomach. As if something was telling me to do this. That I wanted him to think of me as brave.

The other half of me wanted to say screw this Nord - I'm getting out of here.

After a long moment of the inner battle with myself - I gave in. I unsheathed my axe, pointing in the direction of the dragon.

"The only good Nord is a fried Nord." I said with a hint of sarcasm in my tone. "Let's go play with a lizard."

We began running in the direction we heard the creäture.

"I thought the Dragonborn took care of Alduin?" I said through panting breaths. "Why are they still here?"

"There were still dragons left from the ones Alduin rose from the burial grounds." Vilkas didn't look back as he spoke. "But then again, I'm not quite sure of all the details."

"Oh Dragonborn, anytime you want to step in you may." I whispered to myself. "Really don't want to do this."

It seemed as though one of the God's heard my plea as a loud Thu'um echoed through the forest.

With a sigh of relief - I picked up my pace.

As soon as we reached the destination of the dragon we saw it fall to its death.

Lights lit up the night sky as a force made its way over to a Nord man.

"Wow," I breathed, "Never thought I'd actually see the Dragonborn."

Vilkas slowed to a stop, sheathing his sword. "Guess you got lucky this time whelp."

"Shut it." I snapped.

The Nord man lit his torch as he approached us. "Are you two alright?"

"Y-yes." I stammered, suddenly becoming star struck.

The small light from the fire lit up his features.

His really gorgeous features.

His hazel eyes shined even in the darkness. His skin was flawless. His hair was messy, a good kind of messy. It framed his face perfectly.

Now that's a hunky Dragonborn.

"Forgive this whelp here," Vilkas said, shooting me a quick glare. "We were going to help, but she decided to post pone."

The Dragonborn chuckled as his eyes met mine. I could feel the drool wanting to slip down my chin.

"Scared of dragons eh?" He smiled. "I'm not to fond of them myself."

I found myself unable to blink. "I don't think anyone is fond of them."

"I'm Carsen," he introduced, holding his hand out, "and you are?"

"I-I-"

"Her name is Elsa." Vilkas interjected to my dismay. "I'm Vilkas."

"Yeah," I murmured glumly, "what he said."

"Elsa huh?" He pursued his perfectly shaped lips, "You're the Harbinger's daughter I've heard so much about."

"Y-you've heard about me?" I was in awe.

"Of course. I make my runs to Whiterun to visit the Jarl often. You are quite famous."

"I hope in a good way." I muttered.

A small smirk appeared on his lips. "Of course."

"So what brings you out here Carsen?" Vilkas questioned him, a bit of annoyance in his rough voice. "Shouldn't you be sitting on a throne?"

"Oh, I am not royalty Companion." He remarked modestly. "I just did what I was meant to do."

"Hmph."

"I'm just wondering around, quite bored really." He shrugged one shoulder. "What are brings you two out here?"

Vilkas pointed at me. "Ask her."

Carsen shifted his gaze towards me. "Well?"

"I've been away from Skyrim for some time." I told him. Not wanting to say a nightmare made me run. "I wanted to see what has changed."

"Ah, yes. I believe you were in Solsthiem?" He scratched his smooth face. "I think I saw you once before when I had to take an unwanted trip there."

"Miraak." I said.

He nodded stiffly, frowning. He obviously did not want to talk about it further.

"Well, Elsa," His teeth flashed as he smiled, nodding at me then over to Vilkas, "Vilkas, if you two want some company, I'd be happy to join you. I'm sure you could use my help if another dragon appears."

"I don't-"

I immediately cut Vilkas off, "Of course you can join us."

Vilkas's glare burned the side of my face. "Hmph."

"Since I have someone with me Vilkas," I gave him a wicked smirk, "looks like you can return to Jorrvaskr."

"Jorrvaskr?" Carsen gasped. "Can I see it?"

"There's nothing much to see." Vilkas answered calmly, but it was obvious something was brewing behind it. "Just a house of warriors."

Suddenly I felt a pressure on my upper arm. "Elsa, I'm not leaving your side." He whispered darkly into my left ear. "Especially not with a stranger."

His breath was hot on my skin. My body shook rapidly for a moment. His tone made my lungs inflate.

"O-okay," I whispered breathlessly. "Don't leave me then."

What was wrong with me? It felt I wasn't even in control of my words or actions. I was in that stupid wolf's trance. He had me hypnotized. Despite this gorgeous hunk of a man in front of me.

"So?" Carsen seemed to grow annoyed. "Can I see it?"

Vilkas and I nodded simultaneously.

"Let's go." Vilkas said, then began dragging me in the direction of Whiterun.


	3. Chapter 3

Carsen sauntered his way around Jorrvaskr as if he owned the place. I guess being Dragonborn he knew he was able to. All the whelps stared at him with a star struck gaze. I was surprised they didn't ogle him to death.

I really had no room to talk. The boy had me wiping drool.

I guess having the ability to shout - is why Ulfric Stormcloak had so many behind him. Or maybe they actually believed as he did. Anger can overwhelm one's self of righteousness.

But since he's dead, it really doesn't matter anymore.

The twins looked at him with such scrutiny I almost thought them to be jealous. Being two of the most powerful warriors, it would make sense. Considering the fact he was competition.

He did destroy the World-Eater. But from what I heard the ancient Nords helped him.

Still, a big deal. I'm not downing what he did of course.

"Now, that's a man you could wed." My father's voice broke my thoughts.

I blinked a few times. "What are you talking about?"

"He doesn't seem to battle a beast within himself all the time." He said. "I know girl. I know you have been having built up feelings for Vilkas."

A lump began forming in my throat. He never has actually called me out on my crush.

"Father, I was a child then. I no longer view Vilkas in that manner." I lied.

"I see the way you look at him, don't lie to me."

"I'm not." I lied again. "He is gorgeous though."

He cleared his throat roughly. "The Dragonborn asked for my permission to take you out tonight."

I gawked at him in disbelief. "What did you say?"

"Yes. So prepare for him to ask you soon." My father gave me a small smile. "You should say yes. He seems perfect for you."

I was not prepared for this. Why did he say yes? And why is he acting like I have no say in this manner?

He really did not want me with Vilkas.

"I'll go out with him," I agreed solemnly, sucking in a breath, "but only because you want me to."

"Thank you daughter." He placed a hand on my shoulder. "I appreciate you still care about my opinion."

I knew I should be thrilled that the great mighty Dragonborn wanted to take me out for the evening - but deep down I knew it was only because I was the Harbinger's daughter.

I had a title.

With a small quiet sigh, I slipped off my leather jacket. Placing it neatly on the chair in the main hall.

"I'm going to go see Skulvar." I informed my father. "I'm going to see if he is offering part time work."

He gave me a curious look. "Why?"

"I'd like to be a normal human being for a while." I said. "Not go on killing sprees or intimidating people all the time."

I could see the disappointed countenance forming on his face. It was obvious he was attempting to hide it. He wanted me to want to be a true Companion. I knew deep down he did. He wanted me to take over as Harbinger when he passed on. He wanted me to be the only part of the circle who wasn't consumed by wolf blood.

Kissing him on the cheek, I whispered, "I love you father. I'll see you soon."

"I love you too daughter." 

* * *

><p>After having a two hour conversation with Skulvar about me actually being sincere about working at the stables - I was finally able to return home.<p>

Just as expected, Carsen was sitting on a wooden chair by the door when I entered.

"Elsa." He greeted, sounding a bit nervous. "May I speak with you?"

I rubbed my nose, deciding to already beat him to the punch. "My father notified me of what you asked him earlier. I'd love to go out with you."

Relief washed over him. "Thank the Gods. I was about to become tongue tied."

"Nice."

"So, tonight then?" He hedged.

I nodded. "Just let me go clean up."

"I'm going to head to my house to clean up as well." He notified me, standing up. "Pick you up in an hour?"

"How-"

"I live in Breezehome." He chuckled, reading my mind. "Bought it a while back."

"Ah. Thought you just came to visit the Jarl?"

"I just tell that to people before I know their sane or not."

I laughed through my nose. "Makes sense."

"Alright, well..." He began side-stepping to the door. "See you soon..."

I watched him leave, shaking my head. Who would have thought the Dragonborn would get nervous asking a woman out.

Wondering what to wear - I headed for my quarters. I had a few dresses, but did I really want to dress up that nicely? What if we are just going to hunt?

"You're going out with the Dragonborn?" Aela's voice cut into my inner conversation. "How nice."

"My father wants me to."

She looked at me skeptically, following me. "You don't want to?"

"I'm not sure." I spoke with sheer honesty. "He just met me, and only knew me as Kodlak's daughter. Is just interested because of my title?"

"You are a beautiful woman Elsa." Aela assured me. "Don't ever doubt yourself sister."

I entered the door that led to the tub. I knew Aela wouldn't take that as her cue to leave. She considered privacy for girls absurd.

'_We share the same body parts.' _She'd say_. 'It's nothing I haven't seen before_.'

So my shyness of my body vanished when she would speak to me as I would take baths when I was younger.

I rolled around on the hard floor - shaking my legs in attempt to remove my trousers. They were skin tight as all my trousers were. They all landed about ten inches above my ankle as well.

I probably should head to Solitude to get clothes that actually fit. I had quite a bit of a growth spurt.

"I think this night will be good for you." She continued, ignoring my struggles. "You don't seem to be the same girl you were when you left."

I gaped at her. "I grew up Aela."

"The fire in you though," She seemed to become lost in her own thoughts. "It's disappeared sister."

"What do you mean?" I questioned bitterly, finally feeling relief of getting my trousers off. "I'm still the same girl."

"No, you seem scared." She stated sternly. "And you aren't even sure what it is."

Damn her for being observant.

I winced at the hot water as I slipped into the tub. "Honestly Aela, you're right. And I can't remember half of my trip in Solstheim."

"Really?" She cocked her eyebrow. "Why not? Did you drink to much?"

"No- well sometimes," I muttered, washing my body off, "but that's not why I can't remember things. It's as if someone wiped my memory."

"A spell..."

"Exactly." I said, glad she was on the same page. "I always got weird spurts of nightmares. Then they would just stop."

"Odd..."

We remained silent after that, both in deep thought. It felt kind of nice to get that off my chest. Something about Aela made me believe I could trust her. I didn't have many people I called friends, and I did not consider most of the Companions my 'siblings'. Although they labeled me so.

I loved being on the field fighting, fighting for the right reasons, fighting for people - but I wanted a normal life. I did not want to be a Companion. I did not want to be someone of higher stance although I was born into it. I just wanted to be happy. I did not need high valued things, although I am a woman, and they are nice once in a while.

But happiness - that's something I've always wanted. To be with someone who loved me just as much as I loved him. Maybe have kids. Either be a blacksmith or an innkeeper. Something simple. Peaceful.

Being the daughter of the Harbinger though, I knew that was going to be difficult to come by.

I stepped out of the tub, using a large piece of cloth to dry myself off.

"What should I wear?" I questioned out loud.

Aela coughed. "You know that one dress?"

"That one dress?" I laughed.

"It's black, top is a corset." She tried to remember the details of the dress. "Pretty short..."

"Ah!" I gasped. "That one."

"You should wear that." She recommended. "Will look great on you now that you have a-"

"Shut it Aela." I interjected harshly, knowing where she was going. "I know I had no figure before."

She chuckled.

After she helped me put on the dress - I glanced over to the mirror hung up on the wall. I couldn't even recognize the woman staring back at me.

It was becoming a blur.

'_Are you a coward_?' I suddenly heard in my mind.

I jumped back, hitting the bookshelf hard.

"Elsa?" Aela's faint voice was starting to sound abnormal.

My vision was fading. I could see, but couldn't make out anything.

A face knelt down before me.

It wasn't Aela's.

It was a distorted face. Not even human. Fangs hung out of it's gums. It's head seemed to be made of chitin.

A loud high-pitched ear banging noise echoed through my ears. I immediately clapped my hands over my ears.

My lungs throbbed as I let out a piercing scream.

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" I attempted to move back, but the book shelf blocked my path.

Suddenly I felt a strong force shake me.

The high pitched noise did not seize.

"STOP!" I pleaded. "PLEASE STOP!"

My frame began trembling. I suddenly forgot how to breathe.

I shut my eyes, squeezing them tightly. I didn't want to see it. I couldn't bare it.

"Elsa!" I suddenly could hear more clearly. "Snap out of it!"

It took a few moments for me to barely open my right eye. Wondering if my vision had returned.

"W-what happened?" I breathed, opening both my eyes. "W-where am I?"

"You're in your quarters." Aela sighed with relief. "What the in Shor's stone happened to you?"

I shook my head. "I- I don't know."

"Elsa!" Farkas's husky voice called from the doorway. "You're man of the night is here."

The huntress placed her hand on my upper arm. "Are you going to be alright sister?"

"I'll be fine." I said through deep breaths. "Just don't tell anyone what happened."

Her lips formed into a thin line. She didn't like that request.

"Aela..."

"Fine, but if it happens again...I'm telling Kodlak." She unwillingly agreed. "That was not normal."

"Nothing about me is." I rolled my eyes. 

* * *

><p>Carsen ushered me into the Bannered Mare. I glanced him with a confused expression.<p>

What about an inn is romantic?

"Ah, Dragonborn," the owner Hulda greeted with a smile, "Your table is in the corner past that wall."

"Thank you Hulda." He shot her a nod of appreciation. "This way Elsa."

We entered the back room which was used as a vacant room for guests. But the bed, wardrobe and everything was taken out.

Candles were lit, on the right side there was a small round table with two chairs around it. Wine already poured into tankards. Plates in front of both seats. Different types of flowers surrounded the room. The pedals of some scattered along the floor.

"Wow." I gasped. "Who knew this place could look beautiful."

A smile tugged at the ends of his lips. "You can make anything beautiful."

"If you got the coin." I snorted.

From the corner of my eye - I could see him roll his. He trudged over to one of the wooden chairs.

"My lady," He gestured with his eyes to the chair.

I folded my arms nervously as I took a seat.

Carsen took the seat in front of me. Dates were not my forte. I had no idea how to act. Do I stare at him? Look away?

What the hell is the protocol?

The wine filled my nose with want. I lifted the tankard into my right hand, and began chugging.

After the tankard was empty - I refilled it hastily.

"Thirsty?" Carsen looked at me with wide eyes, clutching his un-sipped tankard.

I realized I was not being lady-like. Shyly, I took a smaller sip of the sweet liquid.

"A little..." I mumbled sheepishly. Feeling my cheeks turn hot.

"Don't worry, I'm not judging." He assured me. "So what does a beautiful Nord woman like you enjoy doing?"

On to the interrogation part are we?

"I love studying the dwemer." I told him. "That's why I went to Solstheim."

"Remarkable."

"Yeah..." I pulled my eyebrows together, placing the tankard on the table. "What do you enjoy doing dragon boy?"

"Believe it or not, I like being home." He shrugged his broad shoulders. "After Alduin I realized how much I just love laying in my bed, just reading."

"I bet an adventure like that would wear one out."

His slender fingers traced the tip of the tankard. "Yeah, I just want to settle down. I love Whiterun, but I really wouldn't mind getting a house in Windhelm. Believe it or not." He released a small laugh. "I like that city for some unknown reason."

"They do have nice houses." I replied, taking a sip of the wine. "I thought you were wanting to explore though?"

"Don't get me wrong," he rubbed a hand through his hair. "I love it, but I'm growing old and tired."

"I understand the feeling." I said, attempting to hide my surprise.

Was he just saying this? Did he really want a normal life like me?

I scanned over him, realizing he was beautiful. He had hazel eyes that shined in the candle lit room. His light brown hair drooped down his forehead, just reaching his eyebrows. Perfectly straight, not one strand out of place.

He was not as built as Vilkas. Carsen would never win a battle with him. But he was well toned in a different way. The Dragonborn also didn't tower over me.

He was only about an inch taller.

"So I hear you went to get a job at the stables today..." He mentioned, realizing our conversation was dying down. "Why the stables?"

I began braiding my hair to get it out of my face. "I don't know. I like horses, and I know Earlund doesn't need any help with his forge. Neither does Adrianne."

"So you want to be a blacksmith?" He questioned, seeming honestly interested.

"I wouldn't mind. I guess." I muttered, not knowing the correct answer for that. "There are many things I desire, doesn't mean they will become reality."

"Very wise Harbinger's daughter." He smiled. "What are things you desire?"

"What can I get for you two?" A woman's voice interrupted. I glanced up to see a Redguard woman hovering over us.

I wonder how long she had been standing there.

Her eyes were drawn towards the Dragonborn. It was obvious she found him attractive.

"I'm fine with just wine." Carsen answered simply. "What do you want Elsa?"

"A bunch of sweetrolls." I said through a laugh. "I haven't had one in so long."

He nodded with approval. "A plate of sweet rolls then."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Carsen and I trotted up the stairs to Jorrvaskr. He attempted to hold my hand, but I always lifted my hand to scratch something on my face to block his attempt.

"I had a wonderful time tonight." He told me as we came to a stop. "It was good getting to know you Elsa."

"Nice getting to know you too." I bit my lip. "So uh, this is my stop."

I knew what was coming.

He leaned in closer, and I realized then - I really did not want to kiss him.

Odd with how gorgeous he was, but he just kind of bored me.

Like the catty woman I am - as soon as he was only inches away from my face.

I faked a sneeze.

Clapping a hand over my mouth, I opened my eyes, wide. "Wow! I'm so sorry!" I wailed. "I did not mean to do that!"

Disappointment took over his face. "It's okay. You can't control bodily functions."

"I had a nice time Carsen. Thank you." I dismissed, wrenching the door open.

"I'll see you later I guess?" It was obvious he knew I wasn't interested.

I nodded. "Of course."

When he turned around I hastily entered Jorrvaskr. Leaning against the door I exhaled sharply.

After we got out sweetrolls - he began going on and on about going to Sovngarde. His true colors showed.

He was a bragger.

A big one.

An annoying one.

'_Everyone cheered for me. It was great_.'

'_I never thought I'd have such an honor. The Greybeards think of me as their master_.'

'_The blades wanted to follow me, because my skills in my battle are unmatched_.'

'_I have a small penis so I have to build myself up to feel better_.'

Okay, I made up the last one.

But he was really obnoxious.

I trudged to my quarters. The living quarters were quiet. Everyone was asleep.

Unzipping my dress - I entered my quarters.

A giant shadow appeared in sight. I released a short scream, jumping back.

"DAMN IT VILKAS!" I yelped. "What are you doing?!"

"How was your evening with the great and mighty Dragonborn?" He questioned, ignoring the fact he just gave me a minor heart attack. His hand was on his chin as he looked at my book shelf.

"Fine, fine." I said, words distorted from grinding my teeth. "Why are you in here?"

He shrugged. "Couldn't sleep."

"So you decided to make yourself at home in my room?"

"Yup." He popped his lips, adjusting a book. "So are you going to go out with him again?"

I shook my head, holding the back of my dress. "Probably not."

"Annoying?"

"You have no idea." I said, grabbing a pair of brown trousers and white tank top from my dresser.

"HA." He barked.

I slid behind the curtain that hung to change.

"Where did he take you?" The wolf questioned.

"Bannered Mare."

"HA!" He barked once more. "Really?"

I was becoming annoyed. "He paid to have the back room decorated. It was pretty romantic."

"Sure it was." He grumbled.

I poked my head out as I slid on the white top. "Since when do you care anyways?"

His silver eyes met mine. "I- I don't. I'm just bored."

"Okay..."

"I don't." He defended gruffly, his deep voice growing defensive. "Don't be so cocky."

I rolled my eyes, snapping my head back behind the curtain.

The room filled with silence as I finished changing. When I walked out from behind the curtain - Vilkas was only a few inches away from me.

"Do you really not like him?" All I could see was the muscles his grey shirt hugged. "Or is it because your father approves so you don't want to?"

"My feelings are not your concern." I responded through a shuddering breath. "As you even just stated. You don't even care."

Suddenly I felt his finger slip under my chin. "I do care. I don't trust that guy." He forced me to look up at him.

I felt my stomach turn to knots. I wanted to stand up on my toes to crash my lips to his.

I wanted to so bad it hurt.

Remembering what I told Carsen earlier - I suddenly realized Vilkas was the desire I would not get.

"Want some mead?" I pulled away as I went over to my desk.

He exhaled sharply, "Sure."

I popped open two bottles then handed him one. As I strode over to my bed - I grabbed a book off the shelf.

Something had to get my mind over the fact he had been waiting in my room for my return.

Why did he choose to linger?

Why did he question my date?

I opened the book about Dwemer history that I have read probably over forty times.

"So," he began after taking a sip of mead, "You are quite the heavy drinker."

I stared at my book as I gulped down the mead. "So?"

"Why?"

"Because I like it?"

"Interesting..." He cleared his throat, taking a seat on the wooden chair beside my bed. "You used to say it tasted like cow crap."

"Things change Vilkas."

"I do have one question though..." He mused, scratching his onyx scruffy facial hair. "Have you dated since you left?"

I flickered my eyes over to him. My mind racing. Remembering that nightmare I had.

"N-no..." I mumbled, pulling my brows together. "I haven't."

He gave me a skeptical look.

"Have you?" I tried to switch the subject to him. "Whom have you been with?"

I really did not want to hear the answer. Jealously was already consuming me.

"I dated the Imperial Carlotta for a little bit." He answered, and I could feel my heart bend. "But it didn't work out."

"Why?" I pushed. Not sure why I was. I guess I was hoping for an answer that involved me.

He jutted out his bottom lip as he peeled the label off the bottle. "I don't know. I just wasn't feeling it with her I guess."

"Any idea why?"

The wolf took a swig out of the bottle then switched his gaze to me. "You are awfully curious Elsa."

"I've been away for a while." It was almost as if I connected myself to him as I gulped my mead down.

Granted I finished the bottle before he was even half way done.

Finally, a buzz.

"She talked about produce way to much." He admitted. "It was irritating."

"Thought every man wanted her."

"If they knew her - they wouldn't." He laughed humorlessly. "Trust me. She is as boring as staring at a blank wall."

"Not everyone can be as exciting as you wolf boy." I snorted loudly, removing my hair from the braid.

Vilkas stood quiet for a moment, before he reached out to tug at my hair. "When did you start becoming a blonde?"

"What?" I shot him an aberrant glare. "I'm not a blonde."

"Well, then the sun is making it lighter." He chuckled. "You are now a tomato, lemon color."

I glowered as I popped open another bottle of mead. Immediately focusing my attention back on the book.

Although my mind was not even remotely focused on the book.

"I guess I should head to bed." Vilkas stated through a yawn. "It's late."

"Thought you couldn't sleep."

His lips curved upwards. "Maybe I lied."

I opened my mouth then shut it. Realizing I couldn't speak. Was he just messing with me?

Vilkas stood up, stretching out his long torso. "Night whelp."

"Goodnight wolf boy." I tried to hide the disappointment in my voice.

I didn't want him to leave. 

* * *

><p>I stumbled into the weapon room. My vision blurred from drinking so much.<p>

I must have been hallucinating because I kept seeing shadows from every corner.

'_I want to marry you_.' A voice whispered in my mind.

I winced, shaking my head.

'_Desire is a sin_.' A deeper, evil tone said.

'_Make love to me_.' The same familiar husky voice repeated.

Not again.

I dropped to my knees. Many feelings were rushing through my body. I had no idea what was happening.

Love, guilt, regret, want.

It was on repeat.

I suddenly realized I really did want to be alone. Human companionship was something I was craving.

Crawling my way back up the stairs to my quarters. I stopped when I reached the middle.

A tingling sensation scattered through my veins.

I knew exactly what I wanted.

More like whom.

I stood up with wobbly legs. Making my way through the dim room. When I saw the mirror - I stopped.

Checking my hair to see if Vilkas was right. To my dismay - he was. My hair was a lot lighter than it used to be.

My off-white silk night-gown came down to mid-thigh. The back swooped down, hugging my body. It revealed most of my back.

The inner battle with myself continued as I exited to the hallway.

What was I doing?

Why was I doing this?

Alcohol, damn you.

His door came into view. I stopped immediately - sucking in a breath.

The tingling got more fierce as I ran a hand through my long hair.

Wrenching open the door quietly, I poked my head to peer into the darkened room. A single candle made it so I could see.

He was lying on his back, snoring softly.

My, he was sight.

The pounding of my heart was becoming more intense as I tip toed inside. Closing the door behind me.

I sat on the edge of the bed, staring at him like a creepy stalker.

Despite my drunken vision, he seemed more gorgeous than ever.

He coughed as his eyes fluttered opened. "E-Elsa?" His voice was thick with sleep. "What are you doing in here?"

Shit, I was caught. I didn't even know what my intention was. But as I gazed down at his lips - it became more clear.

An aberrant sense of confidence flushed over me as I just leaned in without thinking.

I crashed my lips to his.

Like an idiot.

There was no response for a moment. I guess he was shocked at my sudden notion. But for some reason - I could not remove my lips from his unresponsive ones.

Now I really felt like an imbecile.

He broke away from me. "What are you doing?" His voice was breathless.

"I-I don't know." I backed my head away. "I'm an idiot."

With a deep breath I began to stand up.

Before I was able to stand all the way up - something yanked me back down.

"No you're not." He murmured, grabbing the back of my head with both hands. "You're not."

Suddenly his lips met my mine fiercely. Our lips collided as he pulled me over so I was straddling him.

I could feel my pulse go into a rapid pace. I was in in disbelief this was actually happening.

His hands trailed up my thighs, gripping them tightly. He bit my lower lip roughly.

I placed my hands on both sides of his face - making the kiss deeper.

I knew I shouldn't be doing what I was doing. But I couldn't make myself stop.

He knew I was a virgin - would he take it if he did not have feelings for me?

When he lifted my night gown over my head - I knew my innocence wouldn't be there that much longer. 

* * *

><p><em>It seems so close to me,<em>  
><em>but still beyond my reach.<em>  
><em>Calling me,<em>  
><em>and playing hide and seek.<em>

_Look behind that door,_  
><em>I'm the one you've been searching for,<em>  
><em>and I'm not a little girl anymore.<em>

_I could say that I don't care,_  
><em>but the truth is I'd follow you anywhere.<em>  
><em>I've been waiting such a long, long time,<em>  
><em>Dont you dare change your mind.<em>

_-'Don't you dare' Alexz Johnson_


	4. Chapter 4

My head was throbbing as my eyes fluttered open. Images from the previous night began playing in mind.

Remembering falling asleep in Vilkas's room, I stretched out my arm next to me. When I felt nothing I turned my head.

A frown formed on my face at the realization I woke up alone.

"Perfect..." I muttered bitterly to myself before getting up.

I slipped on my night gown, tip toeing out of the room. Praying to any Gods above that no one would see me.

Doing a double take in both directions - I leaped as far as I could towards the hall that led to my quarters. At least then I'd have a fighting chance.

"Elsa." A husky voice greeted. "A courier brought this for you this morning."

I released a sharp breath, turning around slowly to come face to face with Farkas. I had no idea if he saw where I originally came from. Hopefully he as doltish as he claims to be.

"From who?" I questioned, reaching for the letter.

He shrugged. "Someone from Solstheim."

A smile tugged at the ends of my lips. Neloth.

"Thanks." I snatched the letter out of his hand, rushing to my room.

"Uh, no problem..." His voice sounded of sheer confusion at my hast action.

I had about an hour before I needed to be at the stables. Cleaning up horse droppings was not something I was looking forward too, but at least it was something.

I sat down at my desk, unfolding the letter.

'_Elsa, _

_The steward you brought to me is foul. But I guess he's better than nothing. He literally put ash in my tea. _

_Talvas has not stopped mentioning how lonely it is with you gone. Haven't you spent enough time with those pesky Companions by now? _

_No I'm not saying I miss you, but you were quite the entertainment. _

_I guess I should ask how you have been doing... _

_Write me back, or I will be rather displeased. _

_-Neloth_'

I scratched my forehead lightly, chuckling.

His way of showing he cares was the opposite of normal humans.

Anxiously I pulled out the inkwell and a roll of paper out of the desk drawer. I began scrawling down everything that had been going on with me. Questioning it. Asking him what was happening.

He was someone I knew would have an answer.

After I finished explaining the incidents - I decided to write Talvas privately. Talking about more personal matters. Like...Vilkas...

After I folded the letters. I placed them neatly on the desk. Deciding to get dressed for work.

I slipped on the black haltered tunic I altered a while back. I cut it into a mini dress, sewing cloth to make it shorts. Although it still looked like a dress.

White cloth was sewn to the corset - I found sleeves too hot. After I slipped on my faded black shoes I trudged over to the mirror.

My hair was a knotted mess. I attempted to comb most of it, but finally gave up. After teasing the top part to give it some body, I stuck it back into a messy mid-high bun.

Generally I wouldn't care how I looked, but it was my first day on the job. I figured I needed to look somewhat presentable at the beginning of the shift.

After getting ready, I headed out of the living quarters. No sign of Vilkas on my way out of Jorrvaskr.

Attempting to fight back the pain from the feeling of being used - I walked through town with eyes forward.

I will not be the pathetic one.

At least I gave up my innocence to someone I cared about. Even if the feelings weren't requited.

It meant something to me, which should be the only thing that matters.

"Well hello Elsa," Adrianne Avenicci greeting, leaning on the wooden pole in front of her store. "How have you been?"

"I've been good." I answered bleakly. "How have you been? How's business?"

"Better since the Imperials won. But orders have been overwhelming. I wish I had a couple of extra hands."

I stared at her bitterly. Now she tells me. But then again I haven't seen her since my return.

"I'm sorry. I'll try to help when I can." I said, clearing my throat.

She smiled. "That'd be a great help. Thank you." A brief of confusion washed over her dirty face. "Where are you heading?"

"I am working part time at the stables now." I shrugged. "Didn't know you were looking."

"What a shame." A frown tugged at the ends of her lips. "Should have found you the moment I heard you returned."

"Can't do anything now, but I guess I should be going." I dismissed the conversation.

"Stay safe."

With that, I walked through the gates. Feeling lethargic I climbed on top of Bubba to finish the short distance to the stables.

"I reckon I should start regrettin' hiring you?" Skulvar hollered as I approached. "You be so lazy you can't walk yourself?"

"Shut it Skulvar." I hopped off of Bubba. "I need to feed him."

He scoffed. "You just didn't want to walk the whole way. Admit it gal."

"Yes, I didn't feel like it." I admitted irately. "What do you need me to do?"

"All them horses need a good groomin'." He notified me, pointing where they stood. "After that I reckon you take them for a short ride so they stay strong."

"Anything else?"

He shook his head. "Nah that will take you some time. Unless you finish early, then I will probably have more for ya."

"What are you going to do?" I asked.

He then sat in a wooden chair in front of the horses stables. "I reckon I'll just sit here and try to sell them."

"Great." I rolled my eyes. "Where do you keep everything?"

He pointed towards a shed right next to his house.

Blowing a raspberry, I followed the direction of his finger. Putting on repeat in my mind that I brought this on myself. I knew who I was signing up to work for.

Dust covered my face, causing me to go into a coughing fit.

"By the Gods!" I yelped. "I just inhaled Stendarr!"

I sneezed loudly as I continued to fumble around for the supplies I would need. Dust continued to fly up my nostrils causing me to continue wiggling my nose as if I were a rabbit.

Relief washed over me as I headed back towards to the stables. Arms full of buckets, brushes, and soap.

I dropped off the brushes and soap on a rickety table next to one of the horses as I trudged over to a hose. Filling the bucket with water I headed back, spilling droplets along the way.

Dropping the bar of soap, I wiped my forehead. I was already sweating.

"Alright," I whispered to the horse, patting it lightly. "Let's get you cleaned up."

Hours upon hours seemed to have past as I finally finished up bathing the horses.

I was covered in dirt, bruised from them kicking me, my hair was soaking from sweat. Despite all these misfortunes I felt really good. Felt like I accomplished something.

"Why, I reckon you're lookin' for a swift war horse." I heard Skulvar shout.

"Not looking for a horse," a familiar light voice spoke, "more like somebody."

I glanced up, suddenly feeling nosy. To my dismay, it was Carsen.

He flickered his eyes to me, then pointed. "Looking for her actually."

"Ah, everyone be wantin' the Harbinger's daughter." Skulvar groaned, disappointed he wasn't going to make a sale.

I locked my gaze on the horse as I brushed it's mane. The shadow of the Dragonborn appeared from the corner of my eye.

"I'm sorry about how badly last night went." He apologized. "I had no idea how to impress you."

I glowered. "Sure."

"I'm serious..." He continued in almost a pleading voice. "Give me a second chance."

"You're an arrow-"

"Well when I was honest with you, you didn't seem to enthused." He defended.

"Aye," cut in Skulvar, "she is a tough gal."

"Want to impress me?" I held out the brush, "Start grooming."

A smirk tugged at the ends of his lips. "As you wish."

I watched him as he began rubbing the brush against the horse's stomach. Somehow, it was a beautiful sight. Taking care of another living thing seemed to come so natural for him.

"So how has your first day been?" He asked, his gaze still on the horse. "You look like you've had a ball."

I knew that was a remark against my appearance. "It's been good actually."

"That's great!" He said through a theatrical sigh. "I'm glad you found something to occupy your time with."

"What makes you say that?" I asked eagerly, shuffling around to his side.

"You don't seem like you enjoy the Companion's way of life much." He explained with a shrug. "I don't blame you. It seems that it would grow tiring and frightening."

"Yeah..." I pulled my eyebrows together, bending over to pick up the bucket. "I'm going to go fill this..."

I sauntered over to the hose once again, not realizing he was following me till I turned the water on.

"Why are you filling the bucket?" He leaned against the shed. "The horses seem to be as clean as they can get."

"Have to give them water."

He placed a hand lightly on my shoulder. "Let me do it. I'm sure you're exhausted by now."

My mouth twisted as I took a step back.

"But," he began with a hint of mockery in his tone, "there is one more thing that needs cleaning."

I opened my mouth to answer, but was immediately put off guard as he shot me with the hose.

"You asshole!" I croaked, shaking my soaking wet hands. "Give me that!"

He ran off, so I scooped up the bucket as I sprinted after him.

"Never gonna catch me!" He cooed, dodging the water I tossed from the bucket.

Growing with rage, I tackled him to the ground. His grip loosened on the hose so I was able to snatch it away.

I sprayed the water directly in his face. But all he did was roar with laughter.

"Wanting me to get wet are you?" He half-way smirked as he spoke, it was a was a bleak, twisted thing. "Thought you weren't interested in me."

I stared at him with blank astonishment, not realizing I was still on top of him. My mouth fell open, and my breath came out with a whooshing sound.

He reached his arm out to poke at my shoulder. "You can get off me now. I don't see this ending in my favor."

"You're a pervert." I shot back in a brittle voice, un-straddling my leg so I was firmly on the ground. "And you wonder why I'm not interested in you."

He sat up, using his right arm for support. "I can't win over someone's heart if it already belongs to somebody else."

I locked my gaze on him, eyes glinting hard. How the hell could he possibly assume that?

"Yeah, you're wondering how I figured it out." He waved his left hand. "It's obvious. You know when someone is speaking to you and they see someone else."

"I-"

"Don't apologize." He shrugged. "I just hope we can be friends."

"S-sure..."

The same familiar smirk formed on his face once more, "Now that we're done getting each other wet, we should finish your shift. Because quite frankly, you smell like horse shit."

"I take offense to that." I frowned.

"Don't dish what you can't take mam." He stood up, then held out his hand to help me up. 

* * *

><p>"Here love," the man's hot breath covered my ear as he wrapped his arms around me, "let me show you how to mold armor the correct way."<p>

My vision was faded, but I could see more clearly than usual.

He began guiding my hands, teaching me how to make armor. I just stared in awe. His calloused hands rubbed my delicate ones gently.

"You seem as if something is on your mind." He observed, pulling me away from the forge. "Want to talk about it?"

I still couldn't make out his face. I squinted my eyes tightly.

"Hmmph, marrying him?" A familiar dark, husky voice sounding almost like velvet murmured in my ear.

I shot my torso around. Vilkas was standing tall, chest puffed out.

"V-Vilkas?" His beauty left me breathless.

"Dear..." The blacksmith called from behind me. "Who are you speaking to?"

Suddenly my mind warped, green tentacles began growing out of the wooden deck. Wrapping around my leg.

I screamed at the top of my lungs. Staring back and forth between the two men.

Suddenly the leaned forward, transforming into two hideous creatures.

They began shooting green painful orbs at me, causing me to holler out in pain.

My eyes shot open. The comfort of my room overwhelming me with relief.

I sat up, reaching over for the bottle of mead on my night stand. After popping it open - I began chugging it down.

Standing up, I shuffled over to the bathroom. I splashed cold water on my already damped face.

I exhaled sharply, slipping off my night gown. I examined it for a prolonged moment, remembering the blurred night with Vilkas.

The pain of still not seeing him caused my heart to inflate like it was going to crack right through my ribs. I shook my head back and forth, trying to wipe it away, but also trying to clear it at the same time.

I had to get over this. I insinuated the whole situation. I brought this on myself.

He just mocked me when I was a child. We had no relationship. So why would I think he would suddenly develop random feelings for me?

I dug in my dresser, pulling out a pair of black trousers, grabbing a random red shirt at the same time.

I slipped on the clothes. The shirt hugged my frame, but was baggy in some places. It was long enough so I didn't feel the need to put on a belt.

I plopped myself at my desk, my breathing finally calming down.

"Daughter," my father's voice came from the door, "Are you awake?"

"Yes."

"May I come in?"

"Sure."

He cleared his throat as he came in, taking a seat at the wooden chair by my bed.

"Did you have another nightmare?" He questioned, examining my appearance.

I nodded stiffly.

"I'm sorry."

"Not your fault."

"Not about the dream," he grabbed his beard, averting his gaze. "About forcing you with the Dragonborn."

"Oh."

"I shouldn't be trying to control your life." He admitted sheepishly. "I just..."

"You worry." I finished. "It's okay father."

"I do love Vilkas as a son. But after you left..." He trailed off, seeming to have an inner battle with himself. "The beast in him took over. He was an angry, bitter man. The fight he had to not transform, was gone. He went on secret hunts every night. People turned up missing in different towns... It was horrible."

My eyes rose. I had never heard of this.

"He was not the same Vilkas I knew him to be." My father shook his head in shame. "I want to help him. If he cured himself..."

"Is that something he wants?" I questioned skeptically, knowing where he was going with this. "Or is it something you wish for him?"

"Both..." His upper lip rose, "I think..."

I couldn't help but let out a small chuckle. "Maybe you should ask him."

"Haven't had the courage...and I also haven't seen him all day. Which worries me."

Was he avoiding me? Or was he out hunting?

"Odd..."

My father nodded as he yawned. "Yeah... I have been staying up in case he comes home, but I have a feeling he won't return for a while."

"Is this not the first time?" I assumed.

"No, it isn't. He'll probably be back in a week er so."

I stood up to hug my father. I felt as though I was going to break him with how weak he has become. He was not the same man he used to be.

"I love you father." I told him in a whisper. "So much."

"I love you too." His voice was low, feeble. "I'll see you in the morning."

I finished off my bottle of mead, waiting for the assurance he was in his quarters before I headed for Vilkas's room.

Apparently my thoughts on knowing everything they attempted to hide, was wrong. I never knew he took on beast form again. I never knew how much he struggled with the beast inside him.

The intentions of my father not wanting to be with him were becoming more clear.

I began fumbling through everything in his room. When a ragged torn up journal came into view - I picked it up slowly. Wondering if I was going to far.

In fear of being busted in his room with his journal, I headed back for my quarters. At least I wouldn't look to suspicious then, could just be a book I brought back from Soltheim.

"I am a nosy, invasive bitch." I muttered to myself as I took a seat once more at my desk. I placed the unopened journal on the surface then grabbed one of the last two bottles of mead.

The inner battle to do this was exhausting. I already knew I was going to do the wrong thing. I already knew I was going to read it.

Building up the courage was making my stomach hurt.

If he found out I even considered this - he would hate me forever.

I shut my eyes tightly as if it would make what I'm doing any better as I slid two fingers underneath the torn up cloth, lifting the journal open.

Bad Elsa.

Bad, bad, bad.

Opening my left eye only, I saw the date. It was dated back when I was about five years old.

Who knew he kept a diary for so long.

* * *

><p><em>17th of Last Seed 4E<em>

_I taught Elsa how to read today. Nothing but satisfaction and joy came through me as I witnessed the small child smile. She has quite a nag for learning. _

_Despite how much I know I shouldn't be spending so much time with our Harbinger's daughter - I can't help myself. I almost like the jealously I have from the essence of her innocence. _

_She had no knowledge of the curse that consumed almost all of us. How much we suffer. Or at least how much I suffer. _

_It's almost uncontrollable how much rage I have within me. I can't even put it into words. _

_Being around Elsa keeps it at bay. For I know I can never actually tame this beast, at least my inner conscious knows I can't reveal it to a child. _

_Farkas keeps calling her a pup. She isn't a pup. I hope she never becomes a pup. _

_Kodlak thinks there is a cure. I hope he's right. _

_I don't know how much longer I can take this._

* * *

><p><em>21st of Last seed 4E<em>

_I walked around town today. Nothing interesting happened. Elsa was wandering around aimlessly before one of the children began picking on her. _

_The little brat continued to kick and scream as I lifted her by her dress. But she should know better than to pick on one of our own. Her parents should have raised her better. _

_Aela promised Elsa she would take her to Riverwood to visit, but she has still yet to return from her hunt. Looks like I will have to fulfill yet another empty promise. _

_Kodlak has yet to spend any time with his daughter. He is too consumed with reading about Hircine. Reading on how we can be rid of the beast. _

_It seems his matter of importance is slipping through the cracks. _

_His daughter was no longer his priority. Yet when questioned on whether or not she can do something - he uses his power. She can't grow with the how much he has dug his nails into her. _

_How she will be able to defend herself when she grows older, I have no clue. _

_I don't think we will ever find relief from this. Part of me wishes to be like Aela and Skjor. To embrace it. To let it consume. _

_But I just can't. _

_I can feel the nails scraping internally within me. It's painful. It's trying to break through. _

_I don't know how much longer I can control it. _

* * *

><p><em>30th of Last Seed 4E<br>_

_I went on a job today. To save the Redguard Nazeem from a group of vampires. _

_I think I've gone through about fifteen potions to cure the unsure chance I afflicted Sanguinare Vampiris. But then again, I do not believe I could being a beast. _

_Better safe than sorry. _

_Everyone in Jorrvaskr went out to the Bannered Mare tonight. Including Kodlak. _

_I guess they forgot about Elsa. Again. _

_They invited me along, but I wasn't about to leave her unattended. Skjor is on the verge of ripping her heart out if she destroys his room one more time. _

_So I'm just allowing her to go through mine as I write. _

* * *

><p>I slammed the journal shut as tears continued to pour down my face. I couldn't read anymore. I couldn't bare anymore.<p>

How could I not remember any of this? How could I not remember him taking care of me?

Is this how I developed feelings for him? Why can't I remember?

He sacrificed so much for me, and I haven't even gone through all the entries.

I buried my face in my hands at the realization I was wrong. Always wrong.

His suffering... his sacrifice... He is a tormented, confused man. And I have done nothing to help him when he has done so much for me.

I stormed out of my room, journal in hand in a petulant rage. I wanted to know what he went through after I left.

I had to know.

I tore apart his bedroom trying to find his later journals. Finally, I lifted up his mattress to find them all there.

Using one arm to hold the mattress up I began opening each one to find one in the time frame of when I left. Sighing with relief when I found the correct date. My arm was about to give out from the mattress.

I headed back for my quarters hastily. Suddenly forgetting how much of an invasion of privacy this was. I just wanted to know.

I had to know.

The tears finally began to slow as I hopped onto my bed. I scooted to rest my back on the wall, grabbing the pillow to slip it behind me

Anxiously I opened the journal, taking in a deep, shaky breath.

* * *

><p><em>12th of Sun's Dawn 4E<em>

_I heard our Harbinger fight with his almost of age daughter today. Apparently she is ready to go on her own journey. _

_A journey away from us. _

_Despite how much it pains me to see her go, and how much I want to join her. I can't blame her for wanting to go off on her own. I just wish I could protect her as she did. Protect her from harm. _

_Skjor called me a pedophilia, he thinks I'm in love with the girl. I called him sick. _

_Of course I care for her. I basically spent every waking moment with her. Someone had to. _

_Kodlak's depression has grown greatly, as well as my own. It just becomes more of a burden each and every day. My rage is becoming more difficult to control. _

_I don't know how much I can contain it. _

_Elsa was one of the reasons I was able to keep it shut away, but she's been gone most of the time. She only comes back at night. Then stays up all night outside, slashing at the training dummy's. _

_She's been planning this get-away for quite some time. _

_Farkas thinks we can confront Hircine. I called him an idiot. _

_But I must cut this entry short. I heard footsteps coming closer. _

* * *

><p><em>25th of Midyear 4E<em>

_We all said our good-byes to the Harbinger's daughter today. Kodlak has been shut away in his room since this morning. _

_Skjor has been holding Aela as she bawls. Even though all she has ever done for the girl is get her hopes up. _

_Farkas and the whelps went over to the Bannered Mare to get hammered in her 'honor'. _

_I cannot deny the fact it hurts that she's gone. It feels as though our home is now empty. It doesn't even feel like home anymore. _

_And the more I think this way, the more the beast inside wishes to be unleashed. _

_Gods, I can't hold it back much longer._

* * *

><p>The rest of the journal was torn apart. I couldn't read any further. Part of me didn't want to.<p>

Tears again took over. I couldn't believe any of this. I couldn't believe Vilkas was more than just what I remembered.

I pulled my legs in an Indian style position as I gripped my hair tightly leaning forward. I squeezed my eyes shut tight in attempt to stop the gushing tears.

My brain was on over drive. No matter how many times I tried to remember the time I spent with the man I loved, I couldn't.

Why can't I remember?

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I have no idea how the years work in Skyrim. So if you know, please share your knowledge. I also know half the clothes I mention aren't in the game, but I have modded my game a lot since I've started playing on PC. So I basically have been basing the attire off of my favorite clothing or armor mods. Also thank you. For your reviews, and views. It means a lot. **


	5. Chapter 5

Weeks have passed without any sign of Vilkas. I'm beginning to wonder if I should go search for him. If I had any clue as to where he went.

After working for two weeks straight I finally had a day off. I took the job from Adrianne so now I had two jobs. I enjoyed working for her a whole lot more.

Where my liking for smithing came - I had no idea. But I've always had a nag for altering my clothes. I also like using the grindstone. I find it wildly entertaining, then feeling the blade right after. The heat...

I entered town with the basket of flowers I picked out in the field. I wanted to add more color to Jorrvaskr.

A Redguard approached me as I passed.

"Have you seen a woman?" He questioned sternly. "She's Redguard like us."

I shook my head.

"Well we are not allowed here," his voice became more muffled as my head began to throb.

Suddenly his voice no longer sounded human.

The scene in front of me was no longer Whiterun. It became dark, terrifying.

A green liquid was now lying beneath my feet, causing me to scream. But the piercing demonic sound was louder. I felt myself get knocked to my knees.

The Redguard man now had blood pouring out of his mouth as a green claws came out through his chest. I wanted to close my eyes, but I couldn't even find the strength to blink.

"_All seekers of knowledge come to me_." A low deep voice echoed.

I scanned my surroundings. Dropping down to my stomach. Unable to move.

A demonic creature made it's way towards me. I tried to scream, but nothing came out.

Heavy breathing was heard, but it was not my own. It sounded as though it was coming from the sky.

When the creature was close enough, it bent down, it's face had black thick liquid coming out of it's features.

I hastily sat up, scooting myself back to get away.

It stomped causing green tentacles to shoot up from all around me as it slashed it's claws through my face.

My vision began darkening, my heart pounding with terror.

"_Black book_." I barely whispered in a shaky voice. "_Black book_."

* * *

><p>"Elsa?"<p>

My eyelids moved, but my eyes did not open.

"She's waking up!" I heard Aela's voice holler.

I tried to move my arms, but I couldn't. I opened my eyes slowly to see myself bound.

"You hurt yourself pretty badly." Aela said in a soothing voice. "We had to make sure you wouldn't hurt yourself anymore."

I glanced down at my arms. They had cuts from my nails all along them. I guess I must have started clawing myself when I blacked out.

"W-what happened?" I stammered.

"It happened again..." She slowly spoke, knowing I wasn't going to want to hear it. "Everyone in town saw..."

I gulped. "So-"

"Kodlak knows. Everyone knows..."

Water filmed my eyes as I laid my head back. Great... Now I'm the town loony.

Well, Harbinger's daughter is out the window.

"No one is angry...or crazy," she said slowly, drawing out each word, scrutinizing my face as she spoke, "Just worried about you."

I took in deep deliberate breaths trying to calm myself. Her eyes locked on me as she slowly reached to untie me.

"Are you going to be okay if I untie you?" She asked, but looked as though she mentally slapped herself from doing so. "I mean..."

"I'm fine Aela."

Her lips pressed into a hard line as she dropped her gaze to the rope. As soon as she was done, I folded my arms to my chest.

"Is she okay?" A rushed, velvet voice came from the doorway. "What happened?"

I glanced up already knowing whose voice that belonged to.

When I saw his appearance I pulled my eyebrows together. His short onyx hair was shooting out from all sides, his black tunic ripped revealing his tight muscles on his stomach. He wasn't wearing shoes. The ends of his trousers looked as though someone ripped them short.

His eyes looked crazed. His jaw locked.

"I think we should be asking if you're okay." I finally spoke, forcing out a sharp breath.

The Nord glanced down at my arms, immediately covering his mouth when he saw the marks.

"She's alright Vilkas." Aela assured him. "Just had some sort of anxiety attack."

I tried to fight back the smile at her cover. She always was quick on her feet.

He shifted his stare back forth between us two. Sudden anger rushing through him when they shifted back towards me.

"Alright then..." He grabbed the door, "Guess I'll leave you two be."

The veins in fingers were popping out due to how tightly he gripped the wood. With a loud huff he slammed it shut behind him.

Aela sighed quietly as she leaned over to the night stand, grabbing a bottle of mead then handed it over to me.

"I figured you'd want this." She half-way smiled. It seemed beyond forced.

I flipped the top off the bottle, chugging it instantly. "Thank you." I breathed out loudly with relief.

I glanced around the room, "Where's my father?"

"He's...in his room." She answered feebly, scratching the back of her neck. "He said he couldn't bare to witness the events that unfolded."

I frowned. "Oh."

"Is she awake yet?" Skjor's voice came from behind the door. "Can I see her?"

Aela stood up to open the door for him. "Yeah, she's awake."

Skjor hastily entered, looking at me with wary eyes.

"What the hell happened to you?"

"I-"

"Don't interrogate the poor girl Skjor." Aela interjected angrily. "She's been through enough."

I gulped down the last half of the mead. Realizing I needed to be more intoxicated for this.

Skjor let out a sharp breath. "The Dragonborn is here. He's worried about you."

"Send him in." I answered without thinking. "Please."

Skjor seemed slightly confused at my reaction before hollering out the doorway for him.

"CARSEN!"

The Dragonborn sprinted into my room, panting uncontrollably. "Are you alright?!"

"Yeah..." I answered in a shaky tone.

"The guards were about to take you into the dungeon. I saw the state you were in...you were..." He shook his head as if he were trying to get an image out of his mind. "I scooped you up in my arms, almost getting arrested, telling the guards to screw off."

"Y-you saw me?"

He nodded stiffly.

After a moment of silence, he looked at the other Companions. "May I speak with her alone?"

"Sure..." They chorused suspiciously, slowly exiting. "Ten minutes." Skjor added before shutting the door.

Carsen listened at the door until their footsteps faded off in the distance before taking a seat at the edge of my bed.

"You opened it," he murmured in a shaky voice, shooting me an unreadable look, "didn't you?"

I began tugging at the loose threads of my dress. "What are you talking about?" Confusion washed over me.

He bit his bottom lip. "You kept muttering it."

"Muttering what?"

"You damn well know what!" He suddenly shouted, gripping his hair. His legs swung out of the bed as he continuously began pacing.

After watching each movement he made. He finally froze.

"You read one his..."

"Who?" Suddenly I grew scared I was busted for reading Vilkas's journals.

"One of his..." He shut his eyes. "Black books."

"Black book?" Fear suddenly overwhelmed me.

"Yes."

"I don't know..."

"How could you not know?!" He suddenly went into a crazed state. "They haunt me to this day! His realm...!"

"Who is he?" My eyebrows furrowed, part of grew agitated he wouldn't just spit it out. "What are you talking about? Miraak?"

"NO! Someone worse." He rubbed both hands down his face as he sat back down on the bed. "Hermaeus Mora."

"I have no idea what you are talking about."

"Yes you do! And denying it won't help you." He said through gritted teeth.

Suddenly his eyes went wide as he slowly shifted his head to face me.

"I need to go." He mumbled. "Need to..."

He never finished as he rushed out of the room.

I leaned my head against the wall, staring at the door in bewilderment. What the hell was that about?

A soft knock came from the door. I rolled my eyes as I bent over to grab another bottle of mead.

Vilkas poked his head in. "I heard shouting."

"Everything is fine." I told him roughly.

He cleared his throat loudly, stepping inside the room as he shut the door behind him.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" He almost growled. "Causing a scene like that?"

"I didn't do it intentionally."

He stared at me, eyes tense and angry. "Just because you do not wish to be one of us doesn't mean you have the right to destroy our name."

"Vilkas I-"

"You're just a selfish bitch."

My jaw hung. His expression grew more resentful as he watched the play of emotion on my face.

"Are you kidding me?" I croaked.

His jaw was locked, I could see him grinding his teeth.

"You took my virginity away then just left!" I screamed, tears began to fall. "And you say I'm the selfish one?!"

He barked out a humorless laugh. "_I_ took your virginity?!"

I stood frozen in place, pain rushed through me at his double-edged words. How could he think me to be a liar?

"You were not a virgin when we-"

"Yes I was!"

"DO YOU BELIEVE ME TO BE AN IMBECILE ELSA?!"

My mouth clamped shut at his sudden outburst. I shivered from the coldness coming from him. After finally able to remove my gaze from his hateful eyes I slid off the bed.

He did not move so I had to wheedle my way around his huge body.

When I was out of his sight - I took off running. 

* * *

><p>I sat at the center pit of the Skyforge with my knees to my chest.<p>

I hadn't stop crying since I ran. Pain continued to twist in familiar patterns throughout my body.

"Elsa?" A small, shy voice spoke. I looked up from my knees to see one of the whelps.

"I'm Ria..." She said slowly, holding clothes in her hand. "I saw you up here a few hours ago, and figured you would want proper attire to forge."

She slowly strode over to me, watching my face to make sure it was alright.

"You don't have to fear me." I told her in a soothing voice. "I'm just Kodlak's daughter. Not one of power."

"I just heard Vilkas screaming at you, and didn't want to witness you when you were angry." She admitted sheepishly. "My name is Ria..."

"How come I haven't seen you yet?" I questioned, cocking a brow. "We live in the same place and I have yet to see you."

"I've been avoiding you in all honesty." She confessed. "I figured you'd come to me when you wanted. I didn't want to be one of the people overwhelming you when you returned."

I smiled. "Thanks."

She gently placed down the clothes on the anvil. "Vilkas is throwing a roaring fit in the dining hall..."

I could tell she was wanting me to ask her to stay. I didn't blame her.

"Know how to smith Ria?" I asked through a smile.

She shook her head, half-way returning it.

"I can teach you."

"That'd be great." She replied joyfully.

I slipped on the grey shorts underneath my dress, then slipped on the black tank top. Sliding my strapless dress off.

"Talent..." Ria mused, chuckling.

I shrugged. "Living with two males in a small place tends to give you practice."

"When did you do that?"

"When I was in Solstheim. I lived with two Dark Elves."

"Fascinating." She beamed. "What was it like there?"

I began explaining the climate of the island as I gestured towards the carpenters bench.

The sun was setting so it made it difficult to see the armor I was teaching her to enhance.

"So are you and Vilkas together?" She questioned, hammering at the steel armor.

I shook my head. "No, why?"

"The way he shouted at you." She shrugged her left shoulder. "Sounded like someone yelling at their lover."

"What?"

"I've heard Vilkas yell, a lot." She emphasized the last word. "Trust me, I know what it sounds like."

"And?"

"When he shouted at you, the pain was obvious." She explained, uncaring. "So I grew curious."

"Were you listening at the door?"

She laughed. "No. I was in the whelps room actually. He was that loud."

I smacked my forehead. "Great..." 

* * *

><p>"AW GROSS!"<p>

"AW NAW!"

"NO NO NO!"

I took in a foul odor at the massive crap that just came out of the horse, and landed on me.

Skulvar had me brush their tails. He didn't inform me one of them had been having stomach troubles.

I immediately began throwing up, storming over to the hose.

I'm going to ring his neck.

Skulvar's son, Jervar, immediately took notice of me. He rushed into the house, within minutes he had came out with clothes in hand.

"I'm so sorry." He apologized, "so so sorry!"

"It's fine." I said, planning on how many ways I wanted to torture his father. "Thanks."

I grabbed the clothes from him then went behind the shed to change.

"Looks like you got what you dish out." Vilkas's amused voice came from behind.

I whirled around, trying to cover my body. "GO AWAY!"

"Nothing I haven't seen before," he began trailing his fingers alongside the building.

"Thought you hated me." I grumbled, quickly slipping on the colossal shirt. I then realized Jervar didn't give me pants.

"I don't." He stated, almost seeming offended. "There's a difference between hate and anger Elsa."

I sighed. "What do you want?"

"I came here to apologize for yelling at you."

"Not going to for accusing me of lying?"

He shook his head, popping his lips. "Nope, because that part was true."

I scowled at him as I stormed past him.

He followed me into town, and into the Bannered Mare.

I continued to turn around to glare at him, but he seemed unaffected. After dropping fifty gold on the counter, I noticed the innkeeper was plugging her nose.

"Girl, what happened to you?" She questioned, her voice sounding distorted.

"A horse shit on me."

Instead of leading me to my room, she instead led me out of the Bannered Mare, and all the way to a nearby lake.

She pointed bitterly at the lake. "I don't care if you are the Harbinger's daughter. Don't come in my place smelling like you just gang banged a bunch of skeevers."

I bit my lip hard. Suddenly feeling stupid.

Vilkas. Damn it.

"You heard the woman." His wicked smirk shined brightly.

"Leave me the hell alone Vilkas." I snapped.

He shook his head, exhaling sharply. "I'll bring you some clothes, since apparently you are not coming home tonight." 

* * *

><p>Even though I rented a room to get away from Vilkas. He has not left since he brought me clothing.<p>

We have remained in silent for a good while, I have read half a novel by now.

"Are you really not going to say a word to me?" He broke the silence.

I slammed the book down. "Are you really not going to leave me alone? I thought you were angry at me."

"I still want to work through it." He grumbled, standing up from the rickety chair.

"Work through what? It'll still end the same."

"Why did you lie me Elsa?"

"I didn't."

He clapped his hand over his eyes. It was obvious he wanted to yell again.

"You did not feel like a virgin, and you sure as hell didn't bleed." His voice was low, slowly turning husky. "I'm sorry Elsa, but you were not one."

I blinked in disbelief.

He took a seat next to me on the bed, placing his left hand on my bare thigh. "So either I need to take a trip to Solstheim to slaughter a Dunmer, or you were lying."

I opened my mouth to speak, but then shut it once more unable to respond.

Vilkas suddenly grabbed a hold of my frame, slamming me into himself in a tight embrace. "Oh Elsa..."

Water filmed my eyes at the sudden realization that Vilkas was right.

But wondering how my first time happened had me wanting to scream out loud.

He pulled me away to examine my face. "Am I going to Solstheim?"

I shook my head.

"Then..."

"I didn't lie to you Vilkas." I put a halt to his assumptions. "I honestly didn't remember losing it. I could have been drunk and stupid one night, who knows."

"So it wasn't that wizard?"

I shook my head again.

He mirrored by shaking his head as well as he placed his chapped lips to my forehead.

"I do care about you Elsa." He notified me softly. "I'm here for you."

I sniffed, glancing down at my hands. Those weren't quite the words I've been waiting to hear from him.

"Want to go sit at the bar?" I quickly changed the subject.

His teeth flashed as he smiled, "Lead the way."

* * *

><p><em>You only know what I want you to <em>

_I know everything you don't want me to _

_Your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine _

_You think your dreams are the same as mine_

_I don't love you but I always will  
><em>  
><em> I always will<em>

_I wish you'd hold me when I turn my back  
><em>  
><em>The less I give, the more I get back<br>_  
><em>Your hands can heal, your hands can bruise<br>_  
><em>I don't have a choice but I still choose you<em>

_-The Civil Wars _

_[Poison&Wine]_


	6. Chapter 6

_I'd rather chase your shadow all my life_  
><em>Than be afraid of my own<em>  
><em>I'd rather be with you<em>  
><em>I'd rather not know<em>  
><em>Where I'll be than be alone and convinced that I know<em>

_And the world keeps spinning 'round_  
><em>My world's upside down and I wouldn't change a thing<em>  
><em>I've got nothing else to lose<em>  
><em>I lost it all when I found you<em>

_and I wouldn't change thing_

_-Lifehouse_

_[Spin]_

* * *

><p>I fell out of the stool, hitting the floor hard.<p>

Vilkas began roaring with laughter as he pointed at me. "Good job whelp."

I glowered.

My irritation immediately went away when I saw his smile. His utterly gorgeous smile.

He held out his hand for me to grab, with ease he pulled me back up onto my seat.

"See how you like falling." I said trying to sound threatening as I began using all my body weight in attempt to push him off his seat.

He didn't budge.

"I could cry rape you know." He cocked an eyebrow playfully. "Say the insane Harbinger's daughter is threatening me."

"Not rape if you like it wolf boy."

He shrugged as he took a sip of his ale. "True."

I slumped over the counter. "I'm booooooooored."

"I thought you wanted the normal life." He said stiffly. "Well my dear girl, this is it."

"Just because I want to live like a normal human, doesn't mean I can't get bored." I mumbled, wondering if I was even speaking clearly.

Vilkas sighed as he began patting me on the back. "Let's go do something then."

"OOOO!" I gushed, "Out of town?"

"Uh huh," he nodded mischievously, standing up.

"What are we gonna do?"

"You'll see." He said, as he threw me over his shoulders.

"Ow!" I whined, rubbing my mouth. "I think I chipped a toof on your stupid sword."

"Toof?"

"Tooth!" I corrected myself irately.

"You're lucky you are adorable."

"Tehe."

He carried me out of town, then I finally began kicking for him to put me down.

The bumpiness was making me feel ill.

After he put me down, he immediately picked up his pace as he approached a carriage.

I saw him hand the driver a large pouch of gold.

"My lady," he gestured with his arms towards the back.

I folded my arms. "Where are we going?"

"I don't know." He answered with a shrug. "I told him to take us anywhere."

"Are you serious?" I laughed.

He then scooped me up in his arms. "Doesn't matter as long as we are together right?"

"Yeah..." I agreed, feeling my cheeks turn red.

The carriage driver cocked his head to the side to gaze at us. "You two ready?"

"Yes. Take us away!" I hollered.

Vilkas grabbed my arms to spread them out as the carriage took off. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face as the night breeze hit my face.

After a short while he brought my arms down, keeping his around my waist.

He placed his chin on my shoulder. I could feel his breath on my ear. I just listened to his breathing patterns, shutting my eyes.

"I don't regret that night." He suddenly murmured into my ear.

My eyes shot open.

"I never regret anytime I spend with you." He continued.

I turned my head to face him. We were only centimeters apart.

"I don't regret any moment I spend with you." I whispered, growing more nervous.

He smiled. The same beautiful smile I could never get enough of. It was sincere.

I swallowed the lump forming in my throat as we continued to stare at each other.

If he wanted to kiss me - it would have been the perfect moment to.

But he didn't.

Instead he wiped the hair that was hitting my face, placing it gently behind my ear. He cleared his throat lightly as he separated us.

I tried to hide the disappointment as we sat across from one another.

His head was facing the front of the carriage as we continued through Skyrim. The night was quiet, peaceful.

I laid down on the wooden seat, putting my feet up. The breeze hit the skin on my stomach, I shivered as I placed my arms around myself.

To my dismay I couldn't pull down a corset.

Growing tired, I closed my eyes. I had a feeling we would not be at whatever the destination the carriage driver decided on would not come anytime soon.

I felt Vilkas's hand on my upper arm. His thumb rubbed my skin gently.

"Goodnight Elsa." He said through a chuckle. 

* * *

><p>I awoke to Vilkas shaking me.<p>

"We're here." He informed me.

The sun shined brightly, making me wince. My eyelids were no longer dark.

I squinted as I opened my eyes. It was snowing where we were.

"Here's Winterhold." The carriage driver said. "For a thousand septims I figured I'd take you to the farthest region."

"Thanks." Vilkas said, scanning the town. "Isn't the college here?"

"Yeah, it's that big building in the smack dab center of town." He pointed with his index finger. "About the only reason this place is worth visiting. If you like magic that is."

He looked back at us, suddenly looking shamed. I guess he figured taking two Nords to this place wasn't a bright idea.

"I wouldn't mind seeing the college." I told Vilkas, sitting up. "I've always been curious about it."

"Hopefully they will let us in." He grumbled.

I'm guessing magic isn't a thing for the wolf.

Vilkas escorted me out of the carriage. It seemed he had a change of tune within seconds, considering he was now dragging me towards the gargantuan bridge.

"ADVENTURE TIME!" He roared. I was nearly off the ground at this point. "LET'S GO LET'S GO!"

A High Elf held out here hand for us to stop. "Stop."

"Aw," Vilkas whined. "Come on."

"Wait," she squinted her eyes to see more clearly through the snow. "You two are Companions."

He then yanked me in front of him. "Yeah, this is the Harbinger's daughter. Can we enter now?"

My body felt like a rag doll with how much he was dragging and yanking me around.

"Uh," I mumbled sheepishly, "_Hi_."

The High Elf covered her mouth in attempt not to laugh at the image before her.

I pressed my lips into a thin line, my arm still in the air from Vilkas holding it.

"Are you two here just to tour the college?" She questioned. "If not, you need to perform a small test."

Vilkas snorted. "I don't use magic."

"So to tour then," she answered her own question, "follow me then."

As she led the way, Vilkas slid his hand into mine.

I gazed up at him, he was just staring forward. As if holding hands was just another normal thing we did.

But I wasn't going to object.

"The gate will not open to outsiders." She informed us as she began opening the gates. "It's a way to protect us."

I began tuning her out as she went into the college's history. I gasped at the sight.

It was huge. Utterly stunning.

"We are now entering the Hall of Attainment." She said as she wrenched open the giant doors.

Vilkas scratched his scruffy chin with his free hand. "Is there any way I can speak with Arch-Mage?"

She stopped in mid-step, whirling around. "Why would you want to speak with him?"

Vilkas's attitude immediately turned awkward as he leaned in to whisper something in her ear.

Her eyes shot over to me as he spoke. She almost looked like she was taking pity on me.

If he told her I had a mental disease and meeting the Arch-Mage is my last wish - him and I are going to share a few words.

"Yes, of course." She finally spoke, heading to the door on the left.

She took out a key from her robes, unlocking the door with shaky hands.

"Just go up the stairs, he'll probably be sitting by his enchanter's table."

Vilkas gave her a nod. "Thank you."

I followed closely behind so when he came to an abrupt halt - my face slammed into his hard back.

"Whoa," he said, shoot around, "sorry Elsa, but I'm going to do this alone. I forgot to mention that."

"What!?"

He pushed me back through the door gently. "Sorry."

The High Elf immediately shut the door when I was fully out.

"What the hell?" I mumbled.

"Feel free to wander around." She scratched the back of her neck. "Er, uh, the students are practicing over there."

I glowered at her. If Vilkas wasn't attractive she probably wouldn't have agreed.

She better not try to steal my man.

I smacked my forehead, making a loud echo throughout the hall.

Stupid, stupid, he's not mine. I thought to myself. Wondering why I was becoming so embarrassed. Not like I said anything out loud.

I shuffled over to the three students in the main room. They were shooting random spells at the wall.

One Nord turned around. His eyebrows rose when he saw me.

"A Nord? Joining the college?" He was beaming at this point. "I thought I was always going to be the only one!"

"I-I'm not joining?" I replied, confused.

He frowned. "Oh, never mind then."

"I'm Elsa." I held out my hand to make this conversation less awkward.

"Onmund." He shook my hand. "So if you aren't here to join...why are you here?"

"Boredom." I shrugged stiffly.

"Well, what do we have here?" A Khajiit greeted, sauntering over to us. "J'zargo loves competition."

"I'm not here to join." I repeated, rolling my eyes.

"No?" He raised his eyebrow. "J'zargo could use a dummy to practice on..."

"Don't you dare." I said with a threatening edge to my voice.

He held up his hands. "No no, nothing destructive."

"J'zargo don't lie to the poor girl," cut in a Dark Elf. "We all know you are full of it."

She now focused on me. "I'm Breylna." She introduced, almost looking sheepish. "I do actually need a dummy for a spell."

"Can you guys give the girl a break?" Onmund groaned. "She didn't come here to be a test experiment."

"Actually," I pointed to the Dark Elf Breylna, "I trust her."

She gave the Khajiit a smug look before turning to face me. "Alright, just stand still."

She casted a spell, then suddenly everything went green.

"You alright?" She mumbled. "You look a bit uh-"

"Green?" I interjected. "Does this ever wear off?"

"Of course!" She shouted, "but can I try a few more on you?"

"Sure, why not." I said with a bored tone.

"This one is a spell of the mind." She informed me as her hand lit up. "Won't hurt a bit."

I suddenly became apprehensive.

When she casted the spell, my mind began racing. Sorting through memories I didn't even know I had, horrors I have been seeing.

I gripped both sides of my head hastily, dropping to the floor.

A loud piercing scream escaped my lips as pages of books began floating around me.

Suddenly, the scene shifted towards Raven Rock.

A blacksmith came into view.

_Glover Mallory_.

I gasped as the memories began racing. Suddenly I lying in the nude next to him, then it was us holding hands at the local inn.

Him kissing me in front of the shrine.

My mind swirled dizzily, full of images I couldn't understand. Nothing seemed to make sense.

In a sudden rush, my mind was blank. All images gone.

All forgotten.

"W-what-"

"What did I do?!" Breylna wailed. "That was all wrong!"

My breathing grew heavy as my chest began to throb. I buried my face in my hands.

"What the hell happened here?!" A woman's voice boomed. "This is why we are not allowed to use magic outside of the college!"

"Mirabelle..." The Dark Elf's voice grew higher. "I-I'm sorry."

"Do I need to suspend you Breylna?" She inquired bitterly.

I immediately looked up. "No, I let her. Don't punish her for my choice."

The Breton glanced down at me, raising an eyebrow. "Are you alright?"

I nodded. Luckily everything wasn't green anymore.

Feeling suffocated, I slowly stood up. My legs wobbly from the spell.

"I need some air, tell the one who came with me to meet me in town." I told the Breton.

"Of course. Where is he?"

"The Arch-Mage headquarters."

She didn't seem to happy about that.

Uncaring, I trudged my way out of the college. The snow pelting my face as I folded my arms to my chest.

Luckily my Nord blood was coming back. Otherwise I'd be dying right now. I was wearing a dark purple corset with black shorts, and faded black boots. The only weapon I had was the dagger strapped to my upper thigh.

I sighed as I took a seat on the steps that led to the inn. Scratching my eyebrow as I scanned my surroundings.

Everyone looked miserable here.

Not that I blame them - this place does have a rather depressing vibe to it.

But they could move if they really wanted to.

My mind began going back to the events that just unfolded. Fury began growing inside me at the fact I couldn't remember what I just saw. How everything was becoming so clear for a brief moment.

Then poof. Gone.

In attempt to get my mind off it - I began thinking about the Dwarves. Everything I knew about them. Listing each fact I found interesting in my mind.

Vilkas better hurry up. I needed out of this place. 

* * *

><p>Vilkas never told me what he spoke to the Arch-Mage about. All I knew he has been in a foul mood since we left.<p>

But that didn't stop him from taking us somewhere else.

Now we were in Solitude. The city was magnificent. Beautiful in every way.

"I'd love to live here." I sighed.

Vilkas pressed his lips into a thin line. "Yeah, if you abide fancy things."

"I don't, but I like the way the city looks."

"It's all over priced." He grumbled, ushering me towards the inn called The Winking Skeever.

His attitude was growing more annoying as time passed.

"We'll get a room for the night." Vilkas said, holding the door for me. "We can spend all day in town tomorrow."

I pursued my lips, remaining quiet.

After I bought some wine - I sat down at an empty table to the far side of the main room.

The innkeeper took Vilkas to the room we would be staying in. I automatically assumed he didn't rent two.

Curiosity was burning inside me. Why did he speak to the Arch-Mage? Why couldn't I join? I wanted to meet him too...

"Already started drinking?" Vilkas asked, amused by the expression I gave him as he caught me by surprise.

"Yup." I popped my lips.

The anger filled eyes he had all the way here were suddenly gentle.

"In a better mood." I said confidently - stating, not asking.

He sighed as he took a seat across from me at the small table. I held up my arm to inform them to bring another round.

"I was asking the Arch-Mage about you." He admitted, his lips seemed permanently pulled down at the corners. "No news he had was good."

"Why were you asking about me?"

He didn't move his head from facing the table, only his eyes to look at me. "Aela told me."

I took in a deep breath.

"She told me that incident was not the first, and they are growing worse."

"So you took it upon yourself without consulting me to ask a mage?" I snapped.

He nodded stiffly. "Yes. I was worried."

The innkeeper saw that we were in a flustered state. He quickly dropped the wine on the table before scurrying off to the counter.

"What happens to me is none of your damn business." I said through gritted teeth.

He slammed his fists down on the table, causing everything to fall. "TO HELL IT ISN'T!"

I shot up. "You think I don't want to know what's going on with me?! You think I want to be in this state?!"

His jaw locked as he glared up at me.

"Damn it Vilkas!" I shouted, yanking at my scalp. "YOU SHOULD HAVE BROUGHT ME WITH YOU! I WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH ME! I WANT ANSWERS! It was wrong of you to go without me!"

Suddenly I could see guilt fall on his features. He averted his gaze, placing his index finger to his chin.

"Y-you're right," he finally admitted, "I'm sorry."

I shook my head slowly, trying to fight back the tears.

"You should be." I muttered, then glanced over at the innkeeper.

He immediately pointed up the stairs then towards the left. Notifying me where the room was.

I stormed up the stairs in a petulant rage.

I wasn't even sure why I was angry.

As I entered the room I stopped in the center, wiping my hands along my face.

Suddenly I felt warm hands on my upper arms. Vilkas's slender fingers rubbed my skin gently.

I sniffed, closing my eyes. "I'm not mad at you."

"I know."

"I just-"

He hushed me softly, turning me around to face him. "I know."

I finally looked up to meet his gaze. His silver eyes burned into mine.

"My father would throw a fit if he knew we'd been traveling together." I forced a chuckle. "Especially sharing a room."

He stuck his index finger underneath my chin. "I know I should respect the Harbinger's wishes, but I don't care what he wants."

His hand grazed over my cheek, landing behind my ear.

"I don't really care either." I whispered, biting my lip.

An angelic smile took place on his face. "To hell with anyone who is against this."

I barked out a laugh. "To hell with them all."

Suddenly his lips met mine for a brief second. He placed his other hand on the other side of my face. Cupping them gently.

"What do we do now?" He flashed his special crooked smile, leaving me breathless as it always had.

"Question should be, what do you want?" I asked.

"You." He told me. "You're all that I'm asking for."

Before I could even speak, his lips landed on mine roughly. His hands dropped down to my waist as my arms flung over his neck.

He scooped me up so I was straddling my legs around his waist. I bit his bottom lip as he opened his mouth wider as he groaned lightly.

I tightened my legs around him, wanting to be as close to him as possible as he dropped us both onto the bed.


	7. Chapter 7

Vilkas slid his arm over my shoulders as we walked through the capital. I held the hand that dangled over my right shoulder.

We headed up the path upwards towards where the Imperial soldiers trained.

"This should be interesting." Vilkas murmured, kissing the top of my head.

The captain barking orders took notice of us immediately as we entered the main area. His mouth hung open just barely at the shock of realizing who we were.

He began clapping. "Well if it isn't the fellow Companions!"

"Well if it isn't dumbo and his minions." Vilkas said just loud enough for me to hear through clenched teeth.

I glanced up at him, cocking an eyebrow. "Don't like him?"

Vilkas shrugged, mumbling something inaudible.

"Alright then." I said, popping my lips. "Hi sir, how are you?"

The captain jogged over to us. "You two have perfect timing."

"Uh-"

"I want these worthless soldiers to learn a thing or two, but they are clueless in one on one combat. I was wondering if you two would demonstrate?"

Vilkas's upper lip rose.

I let go of his hand to smack his chest. "We'd love to."

"I'm not sparring with her." Vilkas deadpanned.

"Why not?" I questioned him with pleading eyes. I don't ever remember sparring with him.

His eyes mirrored mine. "I don't want to hurt you."

"Psh, chicken shit." I grumbled.

The wolf rolled his eyes. "Please..."

"Come on," begged the Captain, "scared to get beat by this strong looking woman?"

"Yeah dear." I teased. "Scared to get beaten by me?"

He shook his head. "I've spent most of your life protecting you from harm, not to inflict it."

"Please." I swatted my hand out in the air. "I can take it wolf boy."

His jaw clenched before he finally sighed in defeat. "Alright."

A couple Imperial soldiers brought over a crate of armor and weapons. I grimaced as I picked up the armor, immediately dropping it after.

Vilkas glowered at me then back down to the crate.

"I'm not putting that armor on." I read his mind.

He rose his right brow, remaining silent.

"Not wearing it." I repeated, but the look did not fade from his face.

"Nope, not doing it."

"Not gonna happen."

"It's not happening wolf boy."

"STOP STARING AT ME LIKE THAT!"

I groaned loudly, scooping the armor up bitterly. "Fine."

A crooked smile slowly formed on his face.

I slipped the over sized armor over my clothes, grabbing a steel battle-axe that was lying next to the crate.

A group of soldiers circled around us. Vilkas unsheathed his steel sword. I gripped the battle-axe, hopping from side to side.

Vilkas's head bounced in rhythm of my movements. Confusion washed over him as he continued to follow.

"W-What are you doing?" He finally asked, clearly annoyed.

I grinned. "Making you wonder what I'm doing before-"

I then hit his arm with the axe lightly, making sure not to cut him to bad. He wasn't wearing armor, just his regular clothes that consisted of a black tunic and trousers.

His eyes grew wide at the fact I actually attacked him. He shook his head then took a fighting stance.

"Let's see what you have whelp." He mocked with an evil grin.

"Come at me bro!" I hollered, realizing I was having way to much fun with this.

He then darted for me. I veered right to dodge his attack, circling so now I was behind him.

I snorted. "I said come at me bro."

I could tell he wasn't actually trying. After watching him fight those bandits; I knew I could never beat him, despite his large size - he was a quick one. Also a very angry beast, he could over-power almost anyone.

Everyone was watching intently as we faked a sparr with one another.

Suddenly Vilkas's face grew angry as he rose his arms. I stood frozen with my mouth slightly open.

He was actually going to attack me.

As he got closer, I shut my eyes. Realizing I should have moved.

I suddenly heard a large clacking noise, his warm lips crashing into mine soon after.

I pulled away, pulling my eyebrows together. "What was that?"

"My sneak attack." He said through a smile.

The captain coughed. "Well, that's almost what one on one combat is supposed to look like."

Vilkas and I laughed. He wrapped his arms around my waist, gripping tightly.

"Get out of that armor." He murmured. "It's hideous."

"As you command." I pushed him away, giving him a mocking bow.

I slipped off the armor, tossing it to one of the soldiers. Vilkas's arms were soon around me again as he began backing us towards the exit.

"Fight well." He told them before whirling us around. 

* * *

><p>Vilkas and I stood in front of Jorrvaskr. We both stared intently at the door, dropping all the things we purchased in Solitude.<p>

He got new armor, weapons, and tunics. I got a bunch of new corsets, trousers, shorts and skirts. The normal things females buy.

"Are you ready?" He breathed, grabbing a hold of my hand.

I traced his bronze features - time has not made me immuned to his breathless appearance. I would never take his beauty for granted. I've never had someone make my heart beat at such a rapid pace.

His perfectly full lips twisted up into a smile as he peered down at me. I couldn't help but smile along with him.

"As long as you are by my side, I'm ready for anything." I finally answered whole heartedly. I meant it.

He placed a kiss on my forehead before scooping up our things into his arms. I followed closely behind, eyes dropping down to his rear. I couldn't help but smirk. It was such a wonderful bubble butt.

It had been a few weeks since we started our drunken journey. Maybe a little over a month even. I lost track. No amount of time I spent with Vilkas was enough. I could never get enough.

Any regret I had coming back to Skyrim - was gone. How I managed to stay away from all this time astounded me.

When we entered, Aela, Skjor, my father, and Farkas were all in a circle.

"You drag me all the way to this foul place, and you don't know where she is?" A familiar high-pitched voice boomed.

I wheedled around Vilkas's frame. "Neloth?"

His eyebrows rose, "Elsa..."

"What's going on?" I then took notice of Talvas. "What are you two doing here?"

I then averted my gaze to Carsen whom was sitting at the dining table. His head was buried in his hands.

"I received your letter." Neloth cleared his throat, "I was going to come regardless, but then he came explaining your visions were getting worse."

"Visions?"

Talvas inhaled sharply. "Master, I do not think-"

"I had to wipe your memory a few times now Elsa." Neloth admitted, but there was no sign of remorse on his face. "You were nearly going insane when I found you in Raven Rock. They almost locked you up for life."

"But I-"

"I have to wipe your memory again." He stated firmly, edging closer to me. His gaze left mine for a brief moment to glare at Vilkas. "All of it this time."

"NO!" shouted Vilkas.

Neloth held up his hands in fear of the warrior. "Now, now, let's not lose our heads. It's going to be a process."

"What sort of process?"

"First I am going to bring all your memories back, see how you handle it." He explained. Talvas's mouth hung open as he leaned against the dining table. He seemed overwhelmed. Like he was dying to say something, but couldn't.

I glanced up at Vilkas. Sheer agony showed through his stiffened face. He didn't blink, looked as though he stopped breathing. Water was filming his eyes.

I grabbed a hold of his arm, "Vilkas..."

"I'm fine," he choked out, licking his lips. "If it means you will be safe, it's okay."

Neloth snapped his fingers, gesturing towards a chair that Talvas scooted out near the steps.

"Sit." He demanded.

As I stepped forward - I felt something yank me back.

Vilkas crashed his lips into mine. It was different from the other times. Almost seemed like desperation. He entangled his hands into my hair, pulling me closer to him.

There was something not right with the way his lips collided with mine. It was as if it would be our last time to do this.

I knew this must have taken the other Companions by surprise. Part of me wanted to shout surprise.

In too short of time, we pulled away from each other reluctantly. Until I was out of arms length he didn't let go of my hand.

I looked over at my father. His face was unreadable. Taking in his facial features, I fought back a tear that wanted to fall. He had large dark circles underneath his eyes. His face thinned out beyond repair during my time away. It looked as if he was barely able to hold himself up.

He no longer wore the Wolf armor. He covered his feeble frame with a pair of green robes.

"It will be okay daughter," he assured sensing my sadness. "You will at least have your memories back for a little while."

I then shot a look at Neloth. "How long are you going to give my memories back?"

"Eh, till I feel like it is time to clear it." He shrugged, uncaring. "Maybe you will handle it better than anticipated so I won't have to wipe them at all."

Talvas coughed roughly. My forehead creased as Neloth placed his fingers on either side of my temples.

"Is this going to hurt her?" Farkas questioned with a shaky voice.

Neloth snorted. "Of course not."

"Is she going to go absolutely mad?" chimed in Skjor.

"I don't know."

"If you send her to her death before she's ready I swear I'll-"

"Shut it Nord." Neloth hissed through his teeth. "Let me do my job."

I gave Vilkas one last pleading stare before shutting my eyes. It looked as though he was staring straight through me, and into the abyss.

My head began to feel as though it was swirling around. As if I consumed way to much mead. It felt light, but numb at the same time.

A bunch of different scenes played out before me. A lot from my childhood. A lot of the moments I spent with the werewolf I fell for.

He taught me how to read, write, and how to use a sword. I now remember him taking me to Riverwood. How he would pick me up by my dress when I destroyed Skjor's room.

How he would pick me up so I could reach the top of bookshelves.

How I spent most of my days following him around then at night spent in his room. Rummaging around for anything I found amusing.

I remembered how he used to smile at me. The gorgeous smile. I remembered how he was the reason I looked forward to waking up each morning.

I remembered how I fell in love with him.

My vision fast forwarded to my time in Raven Rock.

Meeting Glover Mallory, getting his pickaxe back, along with some odd formula for his smithing. I remember him and I beginning a relationship. I remember I did feel strongly about him.

How I lost my innocence to him the night he proposed.

But then I remembered the fights we had. It hit me hard. I could never speak the three words he wanted to hear from his soon to be wife. While all the while I knew exactly why. It was because my heart belonged to the wolf back home.

"Take her to her quarters, and lock her in." I heard Neloth instruct the Companions. His voice was muffled. As if he were farther away than just right behind me.

I continued to ravel in the memories unfolding in my mind. I could feel my body being lifted in reality, but I was somewhere else.

I was in the mines in Raven Rock.

The Dunmer mercenary was there with me. I remember I never saw his face. He always wore that hideous Chitin helmet.

His voice was alluring. That much I knew.

Suddenly visions of entering the realm of the Black Book left me shivering.

Lurkers...Seekers...every creature that haunted my nightmares.

Hermaeus Mora wrapping his tentacles around me. The one eyeball he revealed to the people who entered his home.

All I could remember was running aimlessly around his realm. Absolutely terrified. Tears flooding down my face as I screamed out for help.

The pain I felt from the Seeker's magic. The burning. The pressure. The Lurker's ear-banging scream.

My vision shifted to Glover's house. Him shaking me hard as I lost my mind once again.

"You already killed someone!" I heard him shout. "SNAP OUT OF IT!"

I tried to stop myself as I reached for the dagger. I tried to cry out, but no words came. I stabbed him in the stomach, uttering the same words I have been.

"I know hidden things, secret things..." I kept chanting, "Black book, Black book..."

Blood split out of Glover's mouth. I wanted to cry out, but it was just muted.

I could feel my frame shaking. I glanced around my surroundings. Reality seemed so far. Such a blur.

My eyes glanced downwards at my hands. I knew I was carving myself with dagger, but I could not bring myself to stop. I couldn't even feel it.

Faded visions of the weapon room became dark. I felt my eyes shift backward - I couldn't fight the darkness any longer.

The only thing that appeared was the realm. The dark realm. I felt as though I were a ghost as I traveled around it aimlessly, once again.

"FUCK YOU DUNMER!" I heard a rough voice holler. I circled around, but all I saw were floating pages.

I dropped to my knees, finally able to scream.

Tears flooded down my cheeks as I reached for the dagger on the ground. I looked up into the darkened sky, if that was even what it was.

"IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT!?" I screamed at the top of my lungs as I began slashing at my arms. "IS THIS WHAT YOU STAND FOR YOU MONSTER?!"

Blood droplets began forming a large puddle all around me. Tentacles began shooting out of the thick pools of green surrounding me.

"Elsa..." A soothing voice spoke. "Please, come back."

I jumped back as I saw a Lurker's face come into view.

Hastily I removed the blade from my skin as I struck it in the chest. My chest felt inflated. Terror was all I could feel. Sheer and utter terror.

There was no escape.

I shook my head back and forth to try to clear it. Even reduced to slapping myself as I kept screaming. Squeezing my eyes shut, I began praying that I could just find relief.

I slowly opened my eyes to find myself at the Raven Rock inn. "Teldryn?" I whispered.

Immediately I felt something warm underneath my bare feet.

Blood.

My eyes traced along the trail - suddenly I saw myself stabbing the Dunmer mercenary over and over again.

I cried out, begging myself to stop.

Suddenly the weapon room was faintly coming into view. I stumbled forward, blinking over and over to see more clearly. Blood was all over the floor as I crawled.

"Help...somebody..." I choked out.

I suddenly saw Skjor. A faint image of him. He was leaning against the wall, holding his chest.

It was then I saw my father rush in with Aela and Vilkas close behind him.

Everything was fading again as their voices spoke loudly, but yet so, so quiet. 

* * *

><p><span><strong>Vilkas<strong>

"She's bleeding!" I yelled sprinting over to Elsa. She was covered in blood. Her eyes were rolled to the back of her head.

"Don't do this...come back..." I choked out breathlessly as I lifted her almost lifeless body into my arms.

Kodlak followed close behind. He had been crying since Neloth ordered us to take her to her room. He couldn't handle this.

"I- I can't-" he choked out through sobs, "What has happened to my daughter Vilkas?"

I mirrored the same agony. "I don't know."

"Oh my," the stupid Dunmer's voice chimed in, "this is not what I was anticipating at all."

"ARE YOU JUST GOING STAND THERE AND STARE OR ARE YOU GOING TO HEAL THEM!?" Aela screamed at the top of her lungs as she darted at the Dunmer in a threatening manner.

His apprentice snuck in from behind him, he bent over next to Skjor with a glowing light coming from his hands.

Skjor groaned. I couldn't tell if it was relief or from pain. It was then I suddenly grateful for the beast blood. It saved his life.

I glanced down at Elsa. It was becoming more difficult to fight back the tears. Rage boiled within me, my muscles twisting into knots.

My eyes found the dagger she slashed herself with. It was completely covered in a crimson color. Self inflicted wounds covered both her arms and thighs.

Talvas knelt down. He placed his hand on the top of her head as he shook his own.

"I can't believe this." He murmured through a sob. Seconds later, his jaw was clenched. Anger flashed on his face.

"I need to speak with you privately later." he snarled.

I nodded, exhaling sharply. Shooting Neloth a scowl.

It took every ounce of me not to kill what Elsa called 'a friend'.

* * *

><p>Talvas continued to pace around my room in a rage. I thought he was going to yank all his hair out.<p>

"Spill." I demanded in almost a growl.

I needed answers. The woman I loved was now bound to the wall, shut away from the world. Even her mind wouldn't allow her to come back.

Why the hell would that fucking Dunmer think bringing her memories back would be a good thing?

"Neloth," Talvas broke my train of thought, he was breathless at this point, "he isn't trying to help her."

I figured that one out. "What makes you say that?"

"For one, he didn't clearly wipe out her memories of the Black Book. He surely wiped all the memories she had of you though." He explained in a huff, it seemed he was struggling to compose himself. "Part of always believed he had feelings for her. He wiped out her relationship with that black smith in Ravenrock too."

I took a seat at the chair in front of my desk. "Go on..."

"He often grew infuriated when her love for kept returning. Even though she couldn't explain why. She knew she loved you."

"How could you possibly know this?"

He rubbed his eye as he sighed. He bent over to open his satchel. "These," he said simply, tossing three journals on my bed. "She was terrible at hiding them. I caught Neloth reading them daily."

I locked my jaw. I could feel the beast clawing to come out. This was not the time nor place to lose control. Elsa needed me, and I was not going to let her down.

"He found her in the Bulwark jail. She was imprisoned there for murder and assault." He sighed, shaking his head. "He had wanted to test the memory spells he had researched. He took that as the perfect opportunity."

"So he really has no idea what he's doing?" I said, words distorted from grinding my teeth. Trailing my short nails along the wooden surface of the desk.

"No." The Dunmer spoke slowly, reaching into another satchel, "he wanted to see the different ways he could change her memories."

He threw two more journals and a book onto my bed. He took a seat on the edge of the bed, opening the book. "I did do my own research though."

"And?" I pushed, clutching my chin.

"He has done far too much damage by now to salvage anything at this point." He explained in a low voice. "But if I can wipe her memory clean, it may take a while, but I can figure out how to return the memories that doesn't include her trip to the mines."

"Didn't that stupid Dunmer want to clear her memory?"

He nodded. "Yes, but not with the same intentions as I. The way I want to bring her memory back would be in a different way. But I just need to figure out how."

"So what do you suppose-"

I was immediately cut off by a loud scream. Shooting up from the chair, I darted in the direction it came from.

"Aela!" I called out, "what's wrong!?"

She stood frozen in front of Kodlak's room. I immediately slowed my pace down.

"By the Gods..." I stopped in place as I took in the scene before me.

The only thing that could be heard now was the creaking of the wood as Kodlak's body swung back and forth.

As soon as Skjor caught wind of what just happened - he began vomiting everywhere. Aela clapped a hand over her mouth as she became hysterical.

I caught her she fell backwards. I slowly brought her to the floor.

"Brother!" I hollered. "Come quick!"

Farkas bolted over to us. "What-"

A loud gasp escaped his lips as he saw our Harbinger. "No..." he wheezed. "This can't be happening."

I held Aela as she cried. Farkas slowly approached Kodlak, untying his neck. His grip remained firmly on our former Harbinger as he held him close, dropping to his knees.

Keeping Aela in my arms I leaned against the door frame. Feeling the breath get knocked out of me.

This has to be a nightmare.

That fucking Dunmer is going to pay for what he has done. I promise on the Whitemane's family lives that he will pay.

* * *

><p>Weeks have passed since the incident. No one has spoken a word to each other since the funeral.<p>

After we removed the body I went back and found his suicide letter. I have not dared open it. Part of me didn't want to know - part of me already knew.

I dropped both my elbows on my desk as I buried my face into my hands.

Elsa has only came back to consciousness once since Neloth fucked up her mind. Despite my urge to kill him - Farkas calmed me down. Unfortunately his logic made complete sense.

"_You don't know if Talvas can perform the wiping her of memory correctly. Just let the wizard do it then we can figure it out from there_."

Even though it was only one body on the Skyforge fire pit it felt as though we were burning away two of our loved ones.

Elsa was supposed to take on the role of Harbinger, but none of us think that will happen. So the conversation on who would take Kodlak's place has not been discussed.

My heart began shattering as the memories of the nights we spent together played over and over in my mind. It was over. It was all over.

I sniffed as I fought back the pathetic tears wanting to escape as I leaned over to my bed to grab one of her journals.

My emotions were spread so thin I could hardly feel anger anymore, but the pain was twisting my insides. Why didn't I tell her I love her when I had the chance? Why couldn't we have the happy ending?

I would follow her anywhere. Even if it meant leaving the place I called home since I was a pup. I didn't care. As long as I woke up to her each morning.

Now she would never know. Now she will never care.

I slipped my index finger, popping open the journal.

* * *

><p><em>25th Of Midyear 4E <em>

_I'm getting sea-sick on this blasted boat. _

_I can feel my face turning green. I'm just hoping I don't up-chuck all over my journal. _

_Saying my good-byes today I would have to say was the hardest thing of my life. I say that, but only one pair of eyes appear in my mind. _

_His. _

_The man who blew off hanging out at the Bannered Mare just to stay in his room with me all night. The man who is the reason I can even write in a journal. _

_The man I fell in love with when I was just a little girl. _

_I wished he would have begged me to stay. I would have listened. I'd do anything for him. But he probably would never view me as anything but a little girl. _

_So to say I regret my decision would be a lie. I don't. I can't. I won't. _

_I need to do this. _

_But I wish I knew I was prone to sea sickness before hand. _

* * *

><p>I chunked the journal against the wall causing it to shake. I rubbed my hands down my face, stretching out my skin as I scooped up a bottle of mead from my desk. I flipped off the lid then began chugging.<p>

A small laugh escaped my lips as Elsa's drinking problem came to mind.

_She would be so proud._ I thought to myself amusingly.

"Companion?" A voice came from my doorway.

I glanced over to find Talvas. "Come in."

"Neloth is wiping her memory now." He informed me sadly.

"What?!" I shrieked, shooting up from the chair. "He did not have our permission to do that!"

I bolted for her room, when the door handle wouldn't budge - I kicked the wooden door down. My fellow Shield-Siblings were suddenly close behind.

I ran down the stairs to see Neloth's hands on both sides of her head.

"Get your fucking hands off her." I growled, feeling myself grow more and more violent.

"I have to do this. Or do you want her to stay cooped up like this forever?"

"How are you going to explain her father's sudden disappearance?"

"Simple," he said through a conniving smirk, "I'm going to warp her brain into remembering that he died of natural causes and she is now the Harbinger." He cleared his throat before he continued, "of course she will still have her skills, but she will remember he father teaching them to her. Not you."

"And?"

"That's all," his expression was menacing, his smirk wicked, "she won't remember ever-loving you. Or the time she has spent with you. All of you she will view as her children."

I grinded my teeth together. They were scraping so hard against each other it hurt.

Remembering Talvas's back-up plan, I composed myself, just barely.

"Now Elsa, at the snap of my fingers you shall awaken." He said to her.

A few moments passed before he snapped his green fingers together loudly.

Everyone gasped as her eyes fluttered open.


	8. Chapter 8

_Do we know how to get the message across_  
><em>We turn the lights off to find a way out<em>  
><em>It's hard to get through to grasp what was lost<em>  
><em>Don't turn the light off and leave me in the dark<em>

_Hey, I'm pleading, my soul is bleeding_  
><em>I don't want to be left alone, not when I'm right next to you<em>  
><em>What are you thinking, it's so misleading<em>  
><em>Is it not for me to know, I think it's just hard for you to show<em>

_We never spoke in the words that we want_  
><em>We turn the lights off to find a way out<em>  
><em>We've never chosen to keep what we've got<em>  
><em>Don't turn the light off and leave me in the dark<em>

_I thought it would be nice to lie down and close my eyes_  
><em>It never occurred to me that I am already asleep<em>

_Don't be the one to be let go_  
><em>Don't be the one to be alone<em>

_**-**_**Trapt**

* * *

><p><span><strong>Vilkas<strong>

Elsa gaped at everyone in sheer confusion. Her lips press into a thin line as her forehead creased.

"What is everyone staring at?" She questioned, bewildered. "Go back to training the whelps."

I held out my hand then recoiled the gesture to help her up. She didn't want me touching her. She never wanted me to again.

Skjor escorted Elsa to Kodlak's old quarters. He seemed more than thrilled to address her as our Harbinger. Or maybe he was going with the act we all had to play.

Aela stared at me with painful eyes. She placed her hand gently on my arm, rubbing it in attempt to comfort me.

"It'll be alright brother." She assured me.

I just looked her blankly.

"No it won't," I said, removing her arm, "it won't ever be."

Entering my room, I grabbed Kodlak's letter from underneath my mattress. Taking a seat on my desk, I unraveled the paper.

I took in a deep breath, shutting my eyes before reading.

_I am nothing but filled with remorse. I can't believe how much I've failed as a father. How could I allow this to happen to her? Why didn't I protect her? I've found a cure for this curse, but now I am beginning to realize I don't deserve to walk through the gates of Sovngarde. I don't deserve happiness. Especially when the one thing that matters suffers so. _

_I'm sorry I failed. I'm sorry I failed all of you. I deserve misery. I deserve what ever punishment the Gods have in store for me. _

_I am now shifting this letter to you Vilkas. _

_You were the one who raised my daughter. You taught her all the things I should have taught her. The moments you spent with her, it should have been me. I was wrong. So terribly wrong boy. I should have never doubted how great you are for her. _

_She deserved something great. Something better than I. _

_I hope you two remain happy. I hope you can bring our family together once again. _

_Please tell my daughter that I love her more than she will ever know. Please let her know I did care for her deeply. All I wanted was her happiness. _

_Please pass that message for me._

I crumbled up the paper in my hands. Rage boiling inside. He escaped the moment things became worse where Elsa was concerned. He ran away.

Despite the love I have for the old man, I'm not sure if his actions are forgivable.

I shot up from the chair as I began pacing back and forth. Punching the wall several times while doing so.

This can't be happening.

* * *

><p>I sat at the dining table. Jorrvaskr was filled with silence as everyone else slept soundly in their beds.<p>

The door burst open, revealing the Dragonborn.

"Man! Winter is brutal." He commented loudly. I then noticed his grey shirt had spots of blood on it.

I stared at him skeptically. "What were you doing?"

"Just had some fun." He shrugged. "Something you should learn to do."

My gaze never left him.

Carsen cleared his throat roughly. "How's Elsa?"

"Better than any of us."

"So, they cleared her memories?" Suddenly a doleful expression overtook his facial features. "I can't belive that."

"Why is there blood on your shirt?" I questioned sternly.

The corners of his lips began to tug upwards on his lips. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

I nodded.

"I've learned to blow off steam my own way." His smirk was smacked dab on his face now.

I then began sniffing. Something smelt abnormal about him.

"Are you a-"

"Werewolf. Yes." He answer in a gleeful manner. "Got some random bloak to turn me."

"Why would you want that?"

He shrugged. "Why wouldn't I?" His tone grew more dark as he took a seat diagonally from me, leaning closer. "How about I show you how much fun you've been missing?"

I pursued my lips. Contemplating. I didn't know what to say. Due to certain circumstances it was very tempting, but on the other hand I didn't want to leave Elsa.

Also I knew nothing of this Dragonborn. He seemed so very well-put together, and now... He looks like a crazed necromancer.

"I can also help you control it." He bribed, the conniving smirk never leaving his face.

I scowled at him. "How the hell could you possibly teach me that?"

"I know how to control it." He boasted. "I'm Dragonborn, remember?"

I sighed loudly.

"Come on Companion, one, maybe three nights won't kill you."

Despite my inner argument that was completely absurd. I knew I needed an escape from this hell. And if befriending an absolute lunatic was going to help me find relief for just a short period of time. I was in.

* * *

><p><span>Elsa<span>

I packed up the last thing of my father's with sigh. This just didn't seem like reality.

He actually was gone.

I re-opened the journal that explained his research for a cure. He found one. Now I just needed to put it into motion. Somehow, some way, he'd get his wish.

If I collected all the witch's heads I could cure whomever else no longer wanted the beast blood. It'd be the first time in centuries that the Companions didn't have the beast blood in the inner Circle.

Skjor and Aela would never want the cure - I knew that much. But maybe the brothers would.

I slipped on my black leather jacket, flipping my long hair over it. I wasn't even chilly - I just felt like being bundled up.

Someone then began knocking on my door. I sighed as I took as seat in my father's chair. "Come in." I tossed the journal so it slid underneath the bed.

"Someone wishes to speak with you Harbinger." Skjor escorted a man into the room.

I bit my bottom lip as I took in his appearance. He had short dark brown hair that almost looked black in some lighting. It framed his face perfectly. His blue eyes could be spotted from a mile away.

"How can I help you?" I questioned him, short of breath.

A smirk tugged at the ends of his lips. "I'd like to join the Companions of course. I heard there were openings."

"Your meaning me moving up to Harbinger since my father's death?"

He shrugged his shoulder stiffly. "Well, yeah. Didn't want to say it directly to your face."

"What's your name?" I questioned, cocking an eyebrow. "Do you even know how to fight?"

He then used his hands to show off his body. His tunic was grey, he also worse black trousers with a hole in the knee. It was obvious he had muscles. "Hello, Nord over here..." Rolling his eyes as he answered, "And the name is Nicholas."

I pinched the bridge of my nose with index and middle fingers. "Skjor, please take him out to the yard."

I heard Skjor snort in sheer amusement. "Let's go new blood. I know her well enough to know you're in."

From the corners of my eyes I could see how his ass moved when walked. _Why, helloo_...

Shaking my head in attempt to wipe the grin off my face, I stood up to retrieve my father's journal once again. Taking a seat in the same place I just was.

"Hey Farkas!" I called, underlining the important information in the journal. "Come here for a second!"

"You called me?" His voice was almost a mumble.

I swung my head over to face him. "No. I'm calling the other Farkas."

"Right..."

"Have a seat." I gestured towards the empty chair across from me.

He cleared his throat roughly as he did as he was told. It was going to take some getting used to. They actually had to listen to me now. Part of me was slightly enjoying it.

"You knew my father seeked for a cure for lycanthropy, am I right?" I inquired with a gentle voice.

He nodded stiffly, wincing at the mentioning of my father. I frowned, guessing he wasn't over his passing. "Sorry, didn't mean to re-open an old wound. But he found one."

His eyes lit up. "Really?"

I nodded. "We need to obtain the Glemoril Witches heads then drop them in some fire pit at Ysgramor's Tomb."

"I'm guessing you would like me to fetch the heads?" He questioned roughly.

"Yes, but I want you to bring a Shield-Sibling. Most likely not Aela or Skjor." I suggested slowly. "They will not like the fact I am planning this."

"One of the whelps?"

"Or your brother?"

His face twisted into an unknown agony. I had no idea where it came from. "Is your brother alright?"

"Yeah, sure he is." He grumbled, standing up. "But he left with the Dragonborn last night."

My mouth opened. "What?"

"Yeah, he left a note saying he didn't know when he'd be back."

It shouldn't bother me this much he left. The only reason it should bother me is the fact the Companions need their whole family here. Together.

So why am I wanting to cry?

Stupid female hormones.

"How about I ask one of the whelps? I'm sure they'd love to get out for once." He offered.

"Thank you Farkas." I forced a small smile until his back was turned.

Silence took over my quarters once again. I began scratching at the wooden table, wondering how my father didn't go mad.

At least we had a new addition to our fun little family. Maybe he'll add some entertainment.

With a small breath I stood up from the chair. I slipped out the clothes I was wearing to put on a light grey medium-sleeved shirt with black shorts before slipping on my blacksmiths apron.

Might as well go forge some things. Not like I don't have the time.

"Harbinger?" I heard Aela's voice from the doorway.

I turned my head to shoot her a quick smile. "What is it?"

"I think Njada is ready to go on a job."

"Then give her one." I answered automatically, sniffing as I collected my forging supplies.

"You don't want to test her arm yourself?"

I cocked an eyebrow as I gaped at her. "Is that something we do?"

"Kodlak used to, before he got ill..."

"Oh."

"Yeah..." She averted her gaze quickly.

Part of me felt like I was an evil heartless being. He died a year ago, and I've moved on quicker than the others.

"Okay," I agreed with a sigh, "I'll test her arm."

I stepped in my bedroom to grab my battle-axe off the weapon rack. Feeling lethargic, I didn't bother putting on armor. Just slipped off my apron.

"Njada!" I heard Aela call. "Meet the Harbinger and I out in the training yard!"

After scooping up my forging supplies - I followed Aela outside.

Despite my Nord blood, it was obvious winter hit. The cold breeze pelted my face like little tiny needles.

Njada stood there in her studded armor. She held her sword and shield with a massive grin on her face.

"Are you ready?" I questioned her as I went down the steps. "This means you are stepping up."

She nodded confidently. "Never been more ready in my whole life."

"Alright," I tried to force a smile, "Let's do this."

I gripped the battle-axe tightly with both hands in a blocking position. "Take a few swings at me."

My eyes grew wide as she began going all assassin on me. It was almost impossible to block her.

Except she had really, really, _really_ bad aim.

"Hold on a minute!" I yelped. "My hair keeps getting in my face."

After a few more swings, she finally paused.

I threw my hair up into a high loose bun before getting back into stance. "Okay, I'm good."

Her eyes kept searching me. I looked at her skeptically. It was making me uncomfortable.

"Any words of wisdom before we begin again?" She pushed.

"Learn to know where your swinging your sword."

She pursued her lips as she nodded. "Okay, lets do this."

Again, she began slashing at me like a crazed person. I was getting a nice work out bench pressing the axe.

"HIIIIIIYUHHHH!" She screamed, jumping in the air.

_Aw, shit. _

I ducked my head, feeling the blade graze the back of my head. My eyes automatically closed.

"A-are you alright Harbinger?" I heard Njada ask.

I took in a deep breath.

"What's that on the ground?" Aela's voice entered the conversation.

When I heard loud gasps - I really didn't want to know what she found.

"Um, Elsa..." Aela spoke slowly, so slowly it was nerve-racking. "You may want..."

I straightened myself out as I slowly opened my eyes. I took in another deep breath as I turned around to face them.

"What in Oblivion did you do?!" I shrieked, grabbing the huge lock of my former hair. "YOU CHOPPED IT OFF!"

Njada's cheeks flashed a beat red. Her eyes were shaking as she stared at me with a morose expression. "I-I'm so sorry."

My hands shot to my head as I felt what was left of my hair. It was gone. _All gone_. I felt it to where it now ended, which was right underneath my chin.

"Who's the dude?" A voice chimed in.

I whirled around, almost growling at the new blood. "Shut it."

"Whoa!" His eyes went wide. "Harbinger...I'm sorry."

"Yeah, yeah..." I muttered bitterly as I snatched up my smithing supplies. "Send Njada on a job. Just make sure it's a butcher job!"

"I said I'm sorry!" The whelp called after me. "I didn't mean to!"

"It's fine!"

After stomping of the steps to the Skyforge, I began to calm down. My fingers kept combing through my missing hair, hoping there was some way I could work with this.

A few moments passed until I gave up. With a loud exhale, I slipped on my apron to begin forging.

* * *

><p>After bathing in the cleaning quarters. I slipped on a skin-tight black shirt with grey loose trousers.<p>

Nicholas was waiting for me as I exited.

"You know," he ran his eyes up and down, "that attire doesn't help you look like a female with your new do."

"Want to dance pretty boy?" I hissed.

He held up his hands in surrender. "No, no, just giving you constructive criticism."

I swallowed a gust of air before storming towards my quarters. Footsteps mimicked each one of mine.

I swiveled my head around to face the new blood. "Is there a reason you are following me?"

He shrugged. "I'm bored. Is there _anything_ more to do than watch the others brawl?"

"You could meet the Dragonborn on a cliff." I snapped. "Maybe he could show you a shout or two."

"I don't get it."

I ignored him. "And if one happens to hurl you off the cliff...well... oops."

"That was mean."

I smirked. "It was meant to be."

He sucked in his lips, stretching his arms out. "Isn't there another Companion?"

"Yeah. He is absent at the moment." I answered in a low tone.

"Hmmph."

"What?"

"Nothing, wonder if he's anymore exciting than the rest of these guys."

I groaned then continued heading for my quarters. A Dark Elf came into view. I then remembered Kodlak was letting him stay here a while. I think there was another one as well.

"Hi Elsa, I'm Talvas." He greeted kindly.

I felt Nicholas put his chin on my shoulder.

"Hi." I politely responded. "How may I help you?"

The Nord snorted in my ear, causing me to push his face away.

"I just thought I left a few things in here," his index finger tapped his chin, "Guess not."

I followed his eyes. He was staring towards my bedroom. I pulled my eyebrows together in confusion. "A-alright... You may leave now."

He put his hands behind his back, bowing. "Certainly, have a good night Harbinger."

"Good job being creepy." Nicholas commented rudely as the Dark Elf made his leave.

I followed Talvas with my eyes until he turned down the hall. What the hell was he doing?

Scratching my temple in deep thought, I took a seat in the wooden chair by the table. Somehow Nicholas thought he had an invitation to take the other one.

"How do you know him?" He inquired, clearly curious.

I rested my head in my hand. "I don't know. My father has allowed him and some other one stay here."

"You don't know why?"

I shook my head.

"Well, no offense, but your father isn't here anymore. Get rid of them."

"Don't tell me you're one of those..."

He shook his head. "No, but he's snooping through your room. I mean come on..."

"I admit, it seems suspicious." I agreed, "But I will abide my father's wishes. It's the least I can do."

"The least you could do?" His forehead creased, he leaned in closer. "You don't want to be the Harbinger..."

My stomach began rolling in uncomfortable patterns. How in the world could he possibly have already figured that out?

"No, I don't." I admitted sheepishly.

Nicholas did a double take. He had to scramble for a minute. Whatever his comment would have been, clearly no longer applied.

Suddenly he began smirking. "Hey, I could take your place."

"No."

"Why not?"

"You're a whelp."

"I kicked Skjor's ass all the way to Sovngarde."

"He went easy on you."

"You're mean."

"Only when someone is bothering me." I gave him a mocking smile.

He cleared his throat. "I won't say anything to the others."

"About?"

His expression suddenly made me feel doltish. "_Oh_, right. Thank you."

The Nord leaned in with a goofy grin. "Hey," he then began pulling at my hair. "Your hair is curly."

"It is?"

He nodded. "They...boing..."

"Boing?"

He then said the non-existing word with a sound effect. I choked on the laughter that wanted to come out.

After a while he was finally done pulling at my hair. He stretched his arms out wide as he yawned lazily. "Woo, I'm beat."

"Then go to the whelp's room to sleep."

He clicked his tongue. "But what if that Dark Elf comes back? You need a body-guard." He winked.

I glowered, shaking my head slowly.

"Fine, fine," he raised his hands, "Don't come crying to me when you wake up next to him."

I grabbed an apple off the table to throw at him as he left.

The conversation that just happened suddenly went on repeat in my mind. What if I did decide to step down? Who would take on the role? Who would I choose?

How would I choose?

My mind automatically went to Vilkas, the absent Nord. But somehow him being binded here for life didn't settle well with me.

What the hell is wrong with me?

I grabbed a roll of paper and an inkwell. After rolling out the paper I used wooden bowls to hold it open.

With a loud breath, I began spending the rest of the night making a list of the good and bad of each member.

I had to make a decision if I was ever going to step down.


End file.
